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I will never eat a cockroach.

2011-12-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

In case you missed my previous post, I'm part of a a month-long blogging challenge with #reverbbroads11. Am currently playing catchup!

December 5, 2011
What is the one thing you finally did this year that you always wanted or said you were going to do, but in your heart of hearts never thought you would actually do?
Amy
I got rid of 27 boxes (of various sizes) filled with things. THINGS which belong in our studio. Things we don't necessarily have room for. Things we have toted across 4 states. Things we had forgotten about. After moving around the country for 5 years, everything had gotten jumbled up. I found this upsetting. A room had been labeled the 'junk/neat (haha) room' my spouse (an artist as well) found the task too daunting. One day I had enough. I knew I had at least 5 pencil sharpeners but where on earth were they?? Fed up, I went out for something....and found a sale on storage boxes at Bed, Bath & Beyond. The rest is history. This may sound ridiculous to some, but this was a giant task to take on - on my own. I will NEVER live in that sort of chaos again. It doesn't breed creativity. It screams secret hoarder to all that come by. I need a larger place with table space but for now I cherish the room I do have. I wish I had a before pic but you'll just have settle for an 'after' one:

This is the collage/gluing/painting side. The box content is more interesting to look at vs. the photo side!

December 6, 2011

List 10 things you would never do.

Katrina
I will never....
1. Consume monkey brains. (a la Indiana Jones)
2. Drive and own one of those giant Jeep Hummers. (lame suburban gas guzzler)
3. Keep a tarantula as a pet. (spiders...ewwwww)
4. Knowingly kill another human being.
5. Dye my hair blonde. (this would just be so wrong with my skin tone)
6. Go hunting armed with a gun. (I can't watch a living thing die)
7. Stop loving my spouse (awww.....)
8. Tell anyone who or what to believe regarding whether God is essential to their existence.
9. Eat a cockroach. (again, self explanatory)
10. Cut off my ear. (a leeeeedle too much reading up on Mr. Van Gogh lately)

Even the color is lame. Seriously, I saw a woman pull through a TCBY drive-thru in one. RIDICULOUS!

December 8, 2011
Why blog? Why do you or why do you like to blog (recognizing that these are not always the same thing)?
Kristen
I have things to say but sometimes I don't speak loud enough for anyone to hear me. I truly regret not starting a blog earlier. A few years ago I had moved to a tiny little town in la (lower Alabama), and a friend begged me to start a travel-log type blog. She was so geeked about it. Why I couldn't get with the program beats the heck out of me. I guess I was chicken. I would love to go back and read that now. Dang it. I really must say I have used blogging to remind myself that a) I need practice writing and saying what I actually mean. b) I am not alone on earth, I am worth listening to at times. Also comments from a complete stranger can bring a much needed perspective to ones thought process. c) If I don't record it somewhere, how am I going to to remember anything when I tend to have amnesia about time passing? This is definitely on my resolutions list for 2012. This and better organization of my digital snapshots. Really.

Awww his and hers point and shoot cameras. Making pictures for shits and giggles is addictive!

Truthfully, wtf?

2011-12-21T12:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings Reverb ladies!! I can't believe that not one, but two blog topics I proposed have been chosen by the lovely Kassie and Kristen. It's only fair I address ALL of the topics I have not made time to blog about (still working on that time management thing).

The next few posts are an attempt to catch up with all of you - so I can cross *something* off my to-do list before Christmas. It's not fair that you share with me but I don't share with you. If I can catch up with my laundry today surely I can catch up with my blogging!

December 1, 2011
If the you of today could go back in time and give advice to any of the previous yous, which age would you visit and what would you tell them?
Kristen
I was age ten, crouched in the hallway with my brother. We were 'secretly' watching Firestarter from the hallway while my parents were on a after dinner walk. My step grandmother was on the couch watching said edited-for-tv program. I'm sure she didn't really know what was going on, her English writing skills were great, but tv was a whole other challenge. Little did I know my parents were quietly watching my brother and I through the basement window. When asked if we'd watched the movie I put on my best poker face and firmly denied this fact. If only I'd known better than to tell the truth. I really think this was a pinnacle moment in which I showed them I had learned nothing about the true value of honesty. Imagine their disappointment as parents and the fact I was setting a horrible example to my younger brother. But I will admit, to this day I still love Stephen King and I still fantasize about having telekinetic ability.

December 2, 2011
What is the stupidest thing you did this year? What about in your whole life? You can take stupid to mean: embarrassing, dangerous, funny, lame, whatever you consider "stupid."
Kassie
I lost my patience. Patience with my self, my life, even with simple tasks like melting chocolate or making cheese sauce. Putting so much pressure on myself to find a job. The perfect job transitioned to *any* job. Critiquing my photography to a point where I wouldn't show it to anyone. Blaming my artistic talents for "ruining" my life. My silver lining faded and I just let it roll down hill. I am not a cynic. Well, not normally. But this is truly the stupidest thing I've done ever. That and maybe comparing myself to the Joneses. I don't like talking about this in detail or admitting this -- unless you are a trained therapist of course. I'm working on it. As for something ridiculously silly (to me) - do not go to a fundraiser with the plan of meeting someone beneficial to the community and NOT know what they look like. Google their organization, look them up, do some research and find a photo of them in some random newsletter or board of director notice. Relying on your friends to introduce said person may be bad idea especially if they decide last minute not to show up.

December 3, 2011
How did you become more of a grown-up this year? Or did you pull a Peter Pan and stubbornly remain childlike?
Bethany
If you want to learn more with cute pictures, you may have read my post back in February about our cat Sanchi. Summary: After a long life of almost 14 years, we had to make the decision to put our beloved cuddler to sleep due to kidney failure. Being that she was my first pet was rather life-changing for me. Life, death, pain and the passing of time are definitely time markers for me about growing up. The same people, beloved pets, your childhood home -- nothing stays the same. Enjoying each day and living in the here and now with the creatures and/or people we love is more important to me than ever. I am still convinced moments like these add to your gray hair - I guess I do know what my mother was always joking around about when I was a kid!

December 4, 2011
In the movie version of your life, which actor/actress would play you and the significant players in your life? What kind of movie is it (e.g., made-for-TV, action, emo/indie, etc.)? What would be the major plot points, and how will it end?
Em
This is really hard. Mainly because a) No actress even remotely resembles me in appearance. When I was in high school votes were for Selma Hayek (um yes like no) and several times I got compared to Vanessa Marcil (yes even more of a stretch). My film has got to be some sort of emo-drama, full of deep thoughts leading up to a crescendo of a big WTF sort of moment. That kind of film that you leave the theater and your friend/spouse/partner is like "Hey, it was your idea that we spend money on that film, I thought it'd make sense in the end so I stuck it out...but wtf was that?" Hey, at least it gets you thinking. I'd rather inspire thought of any kind as opposed to a fluffy fruity love story. How long can you stay so far removed from reality? Wait, don't answer that.

The last movie I can remember that really made me feel this way (as stated above) personally was Punch Drunk Love. Check out this link. Apparently I am saying my life has deeper symbolic meaning with a smattering of loneliness and rage that may only be meaningful to you if I write you out a symbols dictionary. Ahh life, a work of iconic art.

Does the idea of working for 'free' tick you off?

2011-12-14T21:03:00.000-08:00

December 14 Reverb Broads

Is volunteering something you do regularly? If yes where do you volunteer? If not, why not?

Kassie at http://bravelyobey.blogspot.com

Have you ever acknowledged how many hours that you have to be at work? Does the idea of working for 'free' tick you off? Do you believe there are other motivations to work other than financial gain? Do you want invest in the community you live in? Would you like to to meet people with similar values and work towards a larger cause? If you don't already volunteer, then maybe you should. I'm not talking about tossing your hard-earned cash towards your organization of choice. I'm talking about the gift of time. Precious time - when combined with your unique talents, can be the backbone of an organization. Help keep a museum, your local animal shelter - (ANYTHING that you care about) alive with your gift of time. And it doesn't have to be a non profit either. And it doesn't have to be every day, every week. Whatever you can give will be much appreciated.

I admit, I have a background in non-for-profit museums. But when I first started out, I simply did not realize the truly transformative powers volunteering can have. I was the paid employee. I learned to hand off repetitive tasks like folding and stuffing to some zealous helper with a a visitor tag on. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for the help - who wants to fold and stuff a 1,000+ piece mailing by yourself? It was a godsend. And I met some great people, too. People who's enthusiasm reminded me why helping maintain a public museum of beauty is a worthwhile cause; no matter how jaded I felt about it some days these generous souls reminded me not only why I needed them, but why they needed me.

Some of the people around me joke around and think volunteering is just something the elderly do. Or it's for students who need course credit. Or it's mandated by a judge. Well sure, there are those people. There are a lot of organizations in town that need my your help. It's hard to pick just one. Just make up your mind and try one! It's addicting, actually. When I moved to Florida last year. I emailed my resume to both art museums in town. For one I filled out intimidating yet impressive background check forms and dropped them in the mail. And then I waited. And waited. Hmm, nothing happened. I emailed again. I called the contact listed on the website and a woman answered. We agreed to meet one morning and suddenly, this amazing do-it-all-force-of-nature, melt your heart with kindness, highly organized individual named Wendy entered my life. Wendy is the Membership and Volunteer Manager at the Cummer Museum of Art. She has the workload of a small army, yet she still made time to listen to me and set some goals so I could get some networking opportunities out of my volunteer experience. Needless to say, we hit it off immediately. I helped her clear junk off her desk, organize closets, lookout for the interns...while she helped me meet other like-minded folks, found new ways to utilize my skills and gave me a sense of purpose. Back when I was unemployed, there were some really dark days. But every day I went to volunteer was filled with light. Oh, and spreadsheets. I felt extremely needed at a time in my life when I felt so lost. And I'm proud to say I invested in my community while helping with outreach programs, packaging art supplies for budding artists, holding doors for donor events, etc. It was a deeply rewarding experience, and I can't wait to to do it again!! If only I had a regular open afternoon as I rather enjoyed being around for the day to day happenings in such a busy place.

My advice, if you haven't volunteered before, start with one place that interests you. Whether it's the blood bank, the library, a learning center, or the old folks home down the street. Think of what part of the population you'd like to serve. Select something that interests you because you want to learn more, or choose something that lends itself to utilizing your rich background. Be open to the experience, the appreciation and emotional return you will feel is worth more than any paycheck can ever give you. We have a really amazing website here called Hands on Jacksonville. Maybe there's one in your town!

Here I am (far right) flapping my jaws at a Membership drive. I love giving free gifts when people join the museum!

Life is but an endless series of little details.

2011-12-13T21:06:00.000-08:00

December 13 Reverb Broads Prompt: What are three things that you are better at than most people? Courtesy of Catie at catiecake.wordpress.com

I admit it, I truly picked my brain to think of things that are uniquely my own. Which is hard - I mean there are plenty things I'm better than average at according to my husband ie: cutting an onion into uniform pieces, the way I address envelopes, the ability to choose good gifts. Eh, those things seem fairly lackluster in my world. But then I got to thinking about things that well, make me - ME.

1. I feel you.

As long as I can remember, I seem to have the ability (secret superpower?) to deeply empathize with people. Some of them I know well, others I do not. I'm a sponge, I can emote a variety of feelings regardless of having experienced those things on my own. In high school I thought I was meant to be an actress (reality check- I was not real good and no one wants to cast an Indian girl in Little Town on the Prairie). Lately I meet complete strangers who feel some deep need to tell me their most private secrets. I am honored sometimes, and unnerved at other times. There are moments I want to shut this 'talent' off. It tests my patience. The other day at work I went on a quickie bathroom break and the on-duty janitor compliments me on my eyebrow piercing. Okay, normal enough. Except this speedily morphed into a 10 minute story about her tattoo covered son, employment difficulties when one has tattoos on their neck, followed by her body piercing addicted ex-husband and the 3 miscarriages Jesus willed her womb to have. Seriously? All this just to pass some water? Unreal.

2. Your trash is (literally) my treasure.

I see potential in raw materials. Everywhere. Sometimes I have trouble parting with my paper recycling bin contents. It's not a hoarding illness I swear. It's just something I have to do. I feel spontaneously driven sometimes to paint and assemble things. I love making bows out of your discarded office paper. Don't throw your fortune cookie fortunes away, give them to me! I spent a considerable part of the past year exploring ideas on top of cut up moving boxes, water color and forgotten xeroxes my husband rescues from his office copy room. I discovered recently Entertainment Weekly magazine makes for pretty shredded confetti to pack my Etsy shipments in. If you get a gift from me that's wrapped in something non-conventional, get excited - that means I really think you're special. I like the challenge. I have too many things in life I attempt to have 'control' over. If I ever have you over, ask and I'll show you my insane cabinet of potential bits which do not belong in the garbage. If only I could figure out a way to get paid for this inclination of mine!

3. It's all in the details.

Yep, I'm one of those people. I see everything. Or at least I try to. Part of it is because I really enjoy living in the moment. Of course I'm kind of like a walking camera. You might not like it. Part of it is because I just like to test my brain to see what all I will notice. I might be the person you worry about inviting over because you think your house isn't clean enough. That's ridiculous, even if I do see that hairball in the corner I will never utter a word of it to you. I will however, comment on your cute cat ornaments on your Christmas tree, or notice that you have indeed touched up your highlights and you look fabulous. Detail oriented people are fun, sometimes. Unless you are asking said person to look at the bigger picture. That takes time, letting go of tiny details that only you will ~~obsess over~~ notice that you did not have time to do. I'm getting better at it as I mature in age - now I can prioritize which details will have the largest impact, ignore the trivial in order to at least try to achieve the desired results for most major life events. All these tiny little things lead up to the bigger picture of life, and I remain fascinated by this fact.

Sivananda (a Hindu spiritual teacher) sums it up best:

A mountain is composed of tiny grains of earth. The ocean is made up of tiny drops of water. Even so, life is but an endless series of little details, actions, speeches, and thoughts. And the consequences whether good or bad of even the least of them are far-reaching.

TODAY'S FORECAST: Light & fluffy, with a 30% chance of guilt.

2011-12-12T16:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Reverb Broads, I’m ashamed to say I’ve read a smattering of ya’lls posts on my brief late night jaunts on Facebook and I wish to apologize that a slacker like me is in the company of such greatness. Here we are on the 12^th day of December, and I’ve only made time to complete one measly post. On top of that, today is MY prompt. Let me ruminate in that guilt for just a moment, a guilt from which I derive ZERO pleasure from I swear!

#ReverbBroads11 prompt: Name and explain the one guilty pleasure you can't live without. Then explore the idea of how you would feel if you gave that thing up for a year.

I have lots to say. Whether you want to read it, well, jury still out on that one.

Recent “issues” in my household have been the ultimate time suck. Pair that with my art making pursuits and it really wouldn’t surprise you that I sleep maybe 4 hours a night these days. I wonder why I can’t write about my work. I’m either on cloud 9 too busy to touch a computer, managing the recent influx of people on my Etsy site (yay me) OR I’m in the corner self ~~loathing~~ errrr doubting myself and you don’t want to hear from that person. Ew. And I have GOT to edit my posts down, they are too dern long. I’m that friend you had back in the day who’d leave you a 3-4 minute voicemail. You know the type.

Ironically, my internet connection is out the moment I down to regiment myself to completing today’s post. I am going at it old school in Word, hoping I might get a window of opportunity to get online. Comcast, I really want to break your scrawny little neck right now.

Do I think guilt is a healthy emotion? Well, no – not exactly. Normally I associate guilt with my ‘jewish’ mother, or how I feel when I discover yet another 2 lb bag of mushy spinach in the veggie bin. Ewwwww.

I came up with this prompt because I am nosy. I have been living in a larger city for a year now and I still don’t have many friends to ‘share’ my thoughts with. So I thought I’d ask you guys for fun what you partake in. Small little pleasures are what life is all about, right? On most days after work I try to take a walk or workout, followed by some fruit consumption, attempted healthy snacking. I actually get cravings for apples, or Cara Cara oranges. I’ve even (mostly) given up my one glass of wine reward, as unfortunately it turns into 2, which then leads to sloppy meal prep, overeating at dinner, etc.

Nom.nom.nom.

I have this thing about 3 Musketeer bars. It’s really one of the only remaining grocery store grade chocolates that’s acceptable to these picky taste buds. There is nothing like opening a – a fresh, full size bar sheathed in it’s shiny, chivalrous red, blue and silver wrapper. It’s a heavenly fluffy cloud of chocolate in my mouth. How can I feel guilty eating something so light tasting? Look, I know I am a weirdo. In my bizarro world, there’d be a factory that would make me a super long candybar I don’t know how much of it I’d eat in one sitting but it’d be fun?! I actually will save a bar in a secret hiding place in the kitchen, open it one night when I know I’ll be home alone. I normally cut it into 4-5 pieces so I piece meal it out without the melty chocolate shell on my fingers. The bite size ones are ok, but they don’t feel fluffy enough for me. And don’t talk to me about the newish truffle bar (a Twix power plus have you read the caloric content on that thing?). The experience is even better is if I can watch some bad E! TV or catch an episode of Sex in the City. Or read the Onion newspaper online. Chocolate BEFORE dinner. What would my mother the nutritionist say? <insert evil laughter here>. Shhh, she doesn't have to know about my fluffy little secret.

With all the holiday food in my life, I’m not shocked that an entire bag of minis (hey there were on sale) has been in my pantry unopened for at least a month.

Sidebar: I found this post about a 3 Musketeer Happy Hour event at the W Hotel in Boston in while searching for photos of candy for this post, and man, that party would be my idea of heaven on earth. I am so jealous, how cool would that be?? Maybe one day I will make that cake. <drool>

No one is trying to rock your world on purpose.

2011-12-02T07:06:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I haven't written a single post in 3 months. I need a push - maybe there is still life in this here blog!!! I've made the decision to take part in a blogging group called Reverb Broads that will be suggesting daily blogging prompts this December. We'll see if I can stick to it, only time will tell. If you want to join in, feel free! Go here or here to learn more.

In usual fashion I've missed Day 1's prompt, this is sort of the story of my life, always a bit behind the curve and I need time to think. Lots of time. This is probably why blogging isn't necessarily good for me because I feel old and slow. At 35, I talk like an 80 year old. Uh-oh! Are you listening to these excuses? Lame!!! In order to post I have to overcome my rambling nature. Hey, there are some gem-like thoughts somewhere in the muck. In my head, I'm already imagining you are laughing at me. Highly irrational. Yep, that's me.

December 1: Reverb Broads Prompt: "If the you of today could go back in time and give advice to any of the previous yous, which age would you visit and what would you tell them?" via Kristen at kristendomblogs.com

(written in purple text to mimic my favorite purple pen to my 14 year old self)

Dear little n,

I know you are scared. I can't blame you. After all, you're moving away from your childhood home. There is a gigantic semi truck parked in the driveway. Dad is using a hand truck to roll the last of the boxes from your room up the moving truck ramp. You don't know what to think about it all, your head is swirling with little "mental pictures" you've made everywhere you go so that you won't 'forget' anything. This is a pretty cool skill to have, keep it up! I know that you are moving away from all the friends you've made from kindergarten till now...and basically anything you've ever known that makes you feel comfortable. You hear there won't be a swing set at the new house and your room won't be in the basement. What you don't know is you'll have a really cute new bed and a walk-in closet with a window. You will love it, you'll see!! It is ok that you don't have your new address memorized. It is ok that you wrote your name inside the closet before you moved out of the house, the new owners are not going to call your parents and 'nark' on you. Your mom says boys at your new school are already growing mustaches and are pretty mature. You don't look as much like a 'baby' as she makes you feel, remember you are a budding teenager and she is kinda trying to deal with the fact that you are growing up.

You can't see it now, but this move is upsetting to your parents as well, remember, they have friends and a life that they are beginning anew too. Try to be more understanding and complain less. Your parents aren't being mean, dad lost his job remember? Dad found a new job and that's why the family is moving. No one is trying to rock your world on purpose. Try to complain less when dad signs you up at the racketclub with the snobby folk, or when mom comes to every tennis try-out in school while you feel embarrassed near the snobby girls with their diamond tennis bracelets. You have a mean serve and better toned legs and you really shouldn't let them intimidate you!!

I know it upsets you that you won't be attending high school with your best friend Joy. Everyone says cows cross the street out there in Kansas. Don't believe them!!! Secretly, everyone is jealous that you are leaving town. This is why they are writing snarky notes in your yearbook. You get to find out what else is out there in the world. You are lucky to learn how to adapt to change at such an early age. Other people don't find this out till they they are old (like age 25! - ha!) This is a super important moment of growth for you, try to go with the flow. That goofy boy Johnny "Appleseed" Anderson is going to miss you -- yes, he dumped you, but there is a reason he's chasing you down the hall with a water gun on the last day of school. You have lots of heartbreaking to do, you'll see! There are even nerdier boys at your new school for you to have a crush on.

Even though change is hard, you are tougher than you believe. You've already learned you are different, embrace this and stop trying to be like everyone else. Remember who you are. Take more interest in your family history. Speak up and tell your mom you really want to take dance lessons again. You will learn to drive soon, don't think you can't just because dad never lets you drive on the highway. You will be challenged beyond all odds because your parents love you in their own regimented way. Believe it or not, they are making your interests their interests all the time. Kansas has a really awesome art museum that they will take you to. Kansas is actually really pretty. It's not like the mountains you are used to, but you will see the good points too. You may see a tornado or two, but there won't be any cows for a long while.

While making new friends is hard, it's pretty cool going to highschool and Mormonism no longer being the very thing that sets you apart. There's actually two other indian students in your new high school, fancy that! You will find a new, worthwhile best friend. You will find a guy that's even goofier than Johnny to have a crush on. Your parents will let you take their Canon camera to school for photo class and your teachers will help you explore your artistic interests. Don't give up so easily when you try and draw because someone else in your class is better than you. It's not a competition, okay? Also, maybe you could pretend to like math a little more so dad won't get so upset. You will need those math skills later, it wouldn't kill you to pay more attention. Mom is lonely and when she asks for help in the kitchen for dinner, stop being so ungrateful and remember she cooks delicious food for you every day! Enjoy all those Friday nights watching late night reruns of Studs and Star Trek Next Gen with your brother - before you know it he will only want to hang out with his own friends and you will miss him. Make sure and hide the key to your Hello Kitty diary somewhere your brother will not find it. He might tell mom you have a boyfriend when you really don't.

Remember, you might feel like a loner right now, but I promise you, everything will fall into place. Just try not to be so critical, okay? Just because mom and dad push you to excel in school, does not mean that you aren't smart enough or good enough...it's because they want to make sure you continue to have a bright future ahead.

Love, your future self, big N.

Presto It's Pesto!

2011-08-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

Did you know that basil originated in India? I had no idea! Fancy that. (Photo taken by my dear husband)

Ahhh, the culinary delights of homemade pesto. It's pretty easy to make actually, and it's been on my to-do list for quite some while. On my way in the door Saturday, I came to the conclusion that my lemon basil needed some major trimming. The right abundance of basil leaves AND the exact measurement of pine nuts were present. After roasting/slicing some peppers and spicy salami, I tossed it together with some ziti. Add sun-dried tomatoes and fresh Parmesan. Layer in the pesto and presto! I love Sunday dinner at home. What's your favorite dish you like to whip up? Bon Appetit!

It's raining, it's pouring...

2011-08-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

This time, we made it inside just in time!

I'm a slacker and did not post yesterday (Saturday's) photo. Had a full day which mainly consisted of an early breakfast with visiting photo friends, followed by helping my husband with various art deliveries being made to his university. I am super geeked as I met with 3 prominent female photographers - one of which I hadn't met before but have admired her work from afar. The exhibition opens in a few weeks, it'll be an entire gallery full of 20"x24" Polaroids. I can't wait to post about the show and everyone in it later. I'm like a kid at Christmas, jumping up and down, waiting for all the boxes to be opened. My husband has the coolest job sometimes!! Anyway, Saturday required items to be loaded on a handcart, and then walked through a series of walkways to the heart of campus where the gallery resides. We definitely got some quality exercise. Not to mention the sweating. Never have my pores been so cleansed, it's like a sauna out there. Made it home in time to grab a quick bite, walk in the door and the sky broke open. The lightening show was amazing, of course the battery in my camera died - so I bring you a boring photo taken from my front door. Fell into bed in a sleep coma. I willed my body to get up and post but it wasn't happenin'. Thanks for understanding.

It's Friday, rock on!

2011-08-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

Saw this playful student sculpture today at a social event I attended tonight. It's Friday and there's nothing like some air guitar in your car when no one's lookin! Time for the weekend!! Packing tape, it's not just for moving boxes anymore...

"No Coffee".

2011-08-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

Why is everything gray/taupe in many work places? Who decided that was a stimulating decor choice?

Day 4 at my new job. Some of you may know, yes - I've put on my big girl drawers and found gainful employment. Things are going okay, you know, as interesting as working at an insurance company can be. We are in a 8 week 'incubation period'. I imagine myself inside an egg, the thin membranes of my eyelids closed, therefore all I can see is the occasional flash of light which breaks up the monotony of the dull gray I see all around me. I had to snap a pic of this sign right outside the bathroom. I can't help but wonder how many gallons of coffee and other sundries went down the drain for a formal sign to be installed. Its a drinking fountain people so of course there's no coffee!! Ooooh, why can't someone invent a coffee fountain? I'd be standing in line to have at that! I have a strong feeling I will need some major caffeine in the morning, it will not go in the drain of course, just my belly!!

Dinner for 8 (Eggs, That Is)!

2011-08-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Quiche Lorraine for our midweek dinner. Supposedly Real Men Don't Eat Quiche. I'd like to see you resist this bacon enhanced beauty. A home cooked meal can really change feelings of uncertainty.

Ante Meridien.

2011-08-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Time and time again I discover the wee hours of the morning are the best part of the day. Nobody else is there to screw it up! It's a good kind of quiet for me. Also, I'd like to know what this cloud formation is called.

Reflections & Reading

2011-08-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

James Earl Jones' great performance reflected in my after dinner drink. Until IMDB I didn't know this was a Hallmark movie! Have you ever had Nutliquor and Creme de Cacao? It's sorta like a liquid Reeses Cup, just make a real small one for sippin'.

After a grueling first day of work, it was great to come home and relax. Ordered pizza and catched up with my spouse. We watched The Reading Room, a flick about a man whose wife (on her deathbed) tasks him to open up a Reading Room in a challenging neighborhood. Overcoming many obstacles, including carjacking and fire he successfully brings educational opportunities to the areas challenged youth. My sole complaint was the music soundtrack drowned out important dialogue at times. I also enjoyed seeing a young Joanna Cassidy as I'm only familiar with her work on HBO’s Six Feet Under.

The day is done, a new week.

2011-08-14T20:58:00.000-07:00


The most beautiful puddle I have ever seen.

If only I could have been closer. The trees stand as a barrier between me and the ideal shooting distance, it's almost as if they protect such beauty on earth so we can sneak a peak at how precious this time of day is. It's the start of a new week, and I've decided although many things in my life are taking me away from my art making, I am going to make a photo a day. I'll try for a week, just to see what I can get. Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me. Until tomorrow!

Darkness overwhelms everything.

2011-08-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

In January I pledged to read 35 books in honor of my birthday. As we've recently begun the 8th month of the year I'm not even halfway through! Lets face it, I'm a slow reader. Too many distractions. Oh and I feel guilty taking pleasure in reading when I should be slaving away at things like job hunting and and dishes. I primarily read before bed, so if a book doesn't keep my interest I'll set it down and forget. In which case I can't really remember where I'm at anymore. I've got to stop doing that!

In high school I loved to copy my favorite quotes out of books. Things that stuck with me, details I felt I could not live without after returning the book. I noticed an ongoing thread through my last 3 reads, the context in which the word black is used.

Today's post includes 3 reads:

1) Leaving Van Gogh by Carol Wallace

While not on my reading list, I ate up every single detail and feeling about Van Gogh's life. I'd recommend it to anyone - never has his ear-removal incident been explained in a context that I could comprehend. I'm ashamed that all these years I thought he did it for a the love of a woman. NOT. Now, I know this book is fiction, but it's well researched fiction! Heck, she got a grant to complete it! I highly recommend it.

Page 175
The black oozed up between his fingers. The membrane covering the half-dried pigment gave way so that streaks of white and yellow seeped into the black. He twisted his hand, sliding his splayed fingers through the knots of brighter color. Paint crawled across the tops of his fingers and crept up his wrist. Then he held his palm out to me. "You see, Doctor? This is why you have to be so careful with black, it soon overwhelms everything."

2) Sula by Toni Morrison

This book is haunting. Emblazoned in my mind is a picture of the rage in both main female characters eyes. It occurs in a tiny town in Ohio, but the drama is oh so large. I felt love, bitterness, racism and humor all at once. I'm pretty embarrassed I've not read anything by this Pulitzer prize winner until now, I'm positive some of her other works will be even more engaging reads in the future.

Page 13

Like moonlight stealing under a window shade an idea insinuated itself; his earlier desire to see his own face. He looked for a mirror; there was none. Finally, keeping his hands carefully behind his back he made his way to the toilet bowl and peeped in. The water was unevenly lit by the sun so he could make nothing out. Returning to his cot he took the blanket and covered his head, rendering the water dark enough to see his reflection. There in the toilet water he saw a grave black face. A black so definite, so unequivocal, it astonished him. He had been harboring a skittish apprehension that he was not real--that he didn't exist at all. But when the blackness greeted him with its indisputable presence, he wanted nothing more.

3) Outside Lies Magic by John R. Stilgoe

I realize this is written by a Harvard professor of Landscape History and has received great reviews on line. But what a letdown. I'm stuck on Chapter 6, I am guilty of skipping to the end to see if it got any better (which it does, sort of). I seriously thought I might kill myself if he described the existence of wooden telephone poles any longer. The acute observations are great, the history is well researched, but the writing is absolute drivel for me. Boy, what a let down. But hey, to each their own!

Page 14-15
Smoke, for example, entranced generations of educated men and women, simply because it exercised their eyes and their minds. Ordinary wood smoke pouring from a chimney appears blue against a dark background, such as black shingles, but brownish yellow against a light one, such as a blue or overcast sky. Smoke particles disperse blue rays more than they do red and yellow ones, and when the smoke is against a light background, the viewer sees the smoke as brownish yellow because the blue rays have been scattered in all direction into the incident white light, leaving mostly blended red and yellow rays to reach the explorer.

That's TRIVETting.

2011-08-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

Hi there! Time for Random Reference Tuesday and boy do I have a wacky one for you today. Straight out of my 3-D object box, I give you...<drumroll>....one jewish star-resembling trivet. I actually own two of them, this one is my favorite. It's made out of some sort of chopped up reeds, which are then meticulously threaded together. I'm drawn to this, it probably has something to do with conjoined circle patterns and my love of mandalas. I can not bring myself to put it in the donate pile, but I realize I don't really want it to sit in a box forever. And in case you're wondering, no I don't want to use it as a trivet in a conventional setting!

Initially I believe I had the idea I'd ink it up and try to print make with it ala bubblewrap style (click here), but it seems a real crime to gunk up this handmade beauty with paint. If any of my art makin' friends out there are reading, brainstorm away - I could use the inspiration. Thanks for reading, ya'll!

Colored pencils, memorialized.

2011-08-02T20:57:00.000-07:00


Circa early 1980's, these tiny pencils are barely 2" in height. My mother bought them for my brother and I at the zoo. I sorta wonder when they were last sharpened. They continue to travel with me.

Harness a rainbow

pink turtle, green koala

color outside -- lines.

Sew it's Tuesday you say?

2011-07-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

Pardon the pun in the title. I am sew loopy this week I can't help it!! ha. Yesterday included a pretty hefty windstorm, followed by rain, followed up by more wind -- which resulted in power failure. Power failure x2. <sigh> There is nothing like faulty 'auto save' to not save the best parts of your cover letter draft in Word. Back to the drawing board!! I digress. I have this idea in my head that during a power failure, everyone and everything should cease primary functions. It's leisure time, time for a nap, read a book, light a candle, bitch about it's horrid inconvenience do anything but work!! But its a requirement that it'd be dark. During the day sit next to a window and deal with it. Ever notice how eerie and quiet things are when the power is off? It reminds me of how much noise really is in our world, just think of all those airconditioning units which simultaneously cease humming at once. Have I mentioned my a/c is broken? Day 5, people. Yep, sew you forgive my off the cuff writing, yes?

So the power is off and I decide to do some mending. This is a good productive idea in theory. But this makes no sense as I have a perfectly fine sewing machine in the other room minus one minor detail: It's broken. I've never known this machine to work in the time I've been married. My dear husband swears it did at one point. Personally, I think it's a really exorbitant paperweight, one that makes the promise of repair appear to taunt me. (PS: For those of you who think I am lazy, I have gotten a repair quote before, it's just that I lacked the cash to actually do something about it plus it's an older model)

Mending. Mend your heart, mend a bone, mend your socks or say....my cat's favorite stuffed kicker toy? Needle and thread are essential things to any household. I remember a few years back, a colleague and I were talking about his wife - apparently when he looses a dress shirt button she throws out the shirt. I was so shocked at the gesture I forgot to tell him he could YouTube how to do it his damn self!

Once upon a time when I became engaged to be married, my dear sweet mother-in-law presented me with the box pictured below:

To think this was intended to be a purse. In what universe, pray tell?? Women in Easter hats and ferris wheels. Um, I don't think I have any outfits that would match...

I was immediately in like. It's just so darn cute! She even went to the trouble of filling it with tiny sundries, 2 beautiful metal thimbles, a tape measure, buttons, reinforced thread. I finally have storage for all these tiny little spools of colored thread I bought in college (over a decade ago) and now I actually use the thread vs. just looking at the neat colors. I want to mention a little disclaimer here: I am not a girlie girl okay? I have no desire to be June Cleaver or anything. But this box is pretty darn cool! Now I always know where to go when I loose a button, or my dear C just can't resist continuing to wear his favorite ~~holy~~ holey Batman shirt. But that's how my MIL is, so very thoughtful down to the last stitch of her being. Thanks again for joining me for this whip stitch edition of Random Reference Tuesday!

This song goes out to me.

2011-07-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

For a few nights last week I would randomly turn on the radio and listen to Delilah's radio show. It's a show that is mostly about relationships and the plights of young love. Her voice is like buttercream icing on a cupcake and her sentiments can be cheezy - but I love it anyway. Listening to the show reminds me of the nights I'd drive home from a whirlwind road trip to my parents house and unwind on the long drive home - filling my head with sentiments of first love, forbidden love and reunited high school sweethearts.

I am too chicken to call the show and make the following song dedication to myself. Plus I don't completely love myself but I know I should. So here I go, right here. This dedication goes out to Nae. I know you feel lost right now, but brighter days are to come. Remember that all your great intentions have resulted in some solid choices to bring you and your spouse professional success. It was all totally worth it and you should harbor no anger, no regrets. You seem to have lost that shiny zest for life that is necessary to build a new life for oneself. Any day now you will realize what you're got to do. After all, you're my wonderwall....

I understand that I am free.

2011-07-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's Tuesday again...my how time passes. While going through a box of writings from kindergarten through high school, I came across this poem. It seems even at age 12 (this is a guess-timation) I was obtaining a grasp on how I felt about the world.

I love seeing anything that was printed from our old dot matrix ancient computer. I still remember the thrill of hitting print; afterwards ripping off the perforated-edged paper. My writing was the only time my parents allowed me to be up with the lights on after 930pm! (note: I pumped up the contrast as the original text is very light gray and would be hard to read)

I will admit however that the statue line made me laugh out loud. I also question what the world needed to improve upon back then versus now. I can also say that all these years later I am proud that I have maintained the desire to lend a helping hand to those in need when I can. Now I see why I can not throw my 'junk' away. Then how could I reflect upon things I don't clearly recall? AND I couldn't share it with you! Thanks for hanging out for another edition of Random Reference Tuesday: Deep Thoughts by Nae.

Toucans and trees in Belize!

2011-07-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

One of my goals of this blog is to begin writing reviews of photo books that I enjoy. These reviews will not necessarily be about books in the mainstream, but they are just as important. There are many wonderful self-published gems which should receive more attention. Have you ever visited Lulu or Blurb's website? Well you should, all sorts of topics are being written about and printed everyday.

The books I will review are thoughtfully constructed collections that I have had the privilege to peruse and hope that one day you might have the chance to as well. I've never written a formal photo book review. So excuse me while I iron out the kinks and make my first attempt!

Today's book is:

Belize by Kat Lawrence. For more information and pricing please click here.

A little about the artist: Ms. Lawrence is a recent graduate from Mississippi State University and has a great eye and a knack with animals. I have had the pleasure of working with her in the darkroom, she is an accomplished emerging artist who makes a mean tintype (click on link to see that work). This past May, she went on a trip to Belize for a Photo Communications class - resulting in this book. This is not a memory book, nor an archive of snapshots. Belize is a thoughtful exploration which captures Lawrence's full pictorial experience from airports to swimming in the sea.

The cover itself invites you the viewer to perch on a baby-blue bench and begin your guided journey through Belize. I appreciated the map at the start of the book, as I for one needed to get my geographical surroundings in check. Also on the page adjoining the map is a small bit of brief information about the National capitol, Belmopan, along with when this South-American country gained it's independence. Belize is the only country in the region where English is the official language. This 80 page book is designed beautifully, complete with the deliberate color choice of rich mahogany-hued pages (the national tree by the way) that announce each section of photographs.


I didn't know Keel Billed Toucans are the National Bird. Learn something new everyday!

When traveling, an image maker often makes discoveries in well traveled places. The key is to find a unique perspective, an image that puts a new light on those things we take for granted. Personally, I was drawn to 3 images in particular captured in the 2 airports Lawrence traveled through before even reaching Belize. Her observations and the visceral choice to document said details in tandem with the lack of human subjects in her photos really draw me into the experience right from the start. I feel like it is me inside those pages, schlepping my stuff across a speed walk; There is an almost tactile image of a closeup of the pattern on the American Airlines fabric seat. I am already sucked in, and I like it.

As I said earlier, the book has several sections and they are as follows: On the Road to Belize..., Serendipity, Blue Creek, Lubaantun, South Water Caye and The Journey Home. I want to emphasize the fact that Lawrence allows the images to do the talking, no text accompanies any individual images. I admit, I was surprised to learn that Queen Elizabeth is on Belize currency as it once was a British colony (aka British Honduras). Much of the foliage and mangrove trees pictured are sights I am not familiar with. Apparently giant iguanas populate the country, along with blooming plumeria flowers (which until now I thought mainly grew only in Hawaaii). With so much to gaze upon and such lush green vegetation to lose yourself in, the various sections contain some interesting image pairings. I see repeated shapes, texture and color repeated through each page layout which cause my eye to continue to re-examine every detail and absorb every bit of the environment. Clearly Lawrence has made these thoughtful pairings in order to further harmonize the layout of the book.

I have limited access to images from Blurb's website, but below is the beginning page of a 4 page spread about Lubaantun.

Here lies black slate vs. the typical limestone of the region. Lubaantun is a modern Mayan name meaning "place of fallen stones".

Pictured in this section are the pre-Columbian ruins of a Mayan civilization. Stone blocks were laid here with no mortar, it is clear the photographs in this section were chosen after some careful appreciation of the labor that this site entailed, not to mention it's not an easy feat making engaging photographs of piles of stone.

My other favorite section is South Water Caye. Below is a sample of this section.

Notice how your eye is led to the right, following the curve of the flower stem and then the bent trunk of the tree takes your eye back to the left (counterclockwise). This sort of design takes careful consideration.

Filled with small joys: a fallen flower, Mayan Temple beer, sea foam and a really special shot of delicate crab prints in the sand. That's not even the best part. Just wait until you spot the sting ray, starfish, and sea urchin amongst others. These underwater shots are exquisite. The colors, the cropping, again the image pairings are velvety and luxurious. In fact, they stir up the wonder I used to feel as a child when I would look through National Geographic magazine. All in all, this book is a wonderful value, and I hope you pick up a copy today for yourself or as a gift. You can thank me later.

Red & Turquoise how I love thee!

2011-07-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

So I missed Random Reference Tuesday yesterday. Nothing could keep me away, except that my house was in total disarray due to carpet cleaning. I had no idea how time consuming it'd be to move everything off the floor considering 90% of my apartment is carpet (duh), or how very ~~damp~~ wet the carpets would be afterwards. There was no way I was pulling up a chair to my desktop! Ohhh but it smelled like oranges - how very Florida!! Today has been a bit better as I reorganize the house, I had a job interview, and more importantly painted some cameras for my second Etsy shop. I think I need to really try harder to give my store a go. Only time will tell!

Today while mixing paints for my camera project, I revisited some of my favorite color combinations. Lately I am all about turquoise and red. Why pray tell?? Well the cooler greenish-blue complimented by a pop of fire engine red just really catches my eye. It's cheerful and it makes me happy! Plain and simple.


My kitchen counter, a cheerful ode to turquoise and red.

Apparently this is the Alabama edition of Random Reference Tuesday. It's been fun to unearth some of my art treasures that have personal meaning for me. Listed from left to right: 1) "A Nile Crater Huh" - a 3D collage made by my friend Kate in AL, it's an acronym of my married name. Pretty clever, and I think the girl inside looks a little like Nelly Furtado. 2) Two 3D clay ornaments, one is a robot/zombie, the other is the most adorable tick I've ever seen. Both were purchased at Art From the Heart, a fundraiser gala for Studio By the Tracks in AL, an amazing organization which helps children and adults utilize their creative abilities despite their disabilities. 3) The recipe box was a fabulous wedding gift (complete with family recipes) from the most considerate co-workers I've ever had. 4) Coke bottle hijacked straight from the Dominican Republic, our honeymoon destination back in 2005. And last but not least 5) "The Little Piggy" by Charles Buchanan, famous Birmingham magic-city print maker. I could never decide which of his pieces I wanted to own when I lived in the 'ham, so it was fate that my good friend Kendall gifted me with this amazing print right before we moved.

That about sums it up for today, thanks for checking it out and I hope you are having a great week!

An obstacle is oftentimes an unrecognized opportunity.

2011-07-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

Time again for Random Reference Tuesday! At least there is one day of the week you are guaranteed to hear from me! Today was a great day. I applied for a new job opportunity that I'm excited about, posted several new items on my Etsy page, made gazpacho (first timer) *and* I went through one whole paper bag of 'stuff'. Paper bag, you ask? Why not a box? In a moment of sheer madness last week, I took some stuff piled in open boxes on the floor and dumped them into paper bags. The idea being, that the paper bag is less secure (aka my cat will rip a doily through it in no time) SO I will have to go through it. It's working. Well sort of. Mostly I walk into that room and curse the fact that I don't have an empty closet to shove it in. Ha!

Today's parcel of stuff had several items I was able to part with and place in the recycling bin, some camera modification junk (that'll have to be a later post), small jewelry shipping boxes, some music Cd's which found their proper home in our binder filing system, and last but not least a tube of MAAS, a wonderful multi purpose metal polish. I discovered this great polish back in my Intaglio printmaking days in college. I had some shiny, shiny copper plates. How on earth this didn't get packed up with all the other cleaning supplies, I've no idea. And then inspiration struck. My mother told me long ago that the best way you can honor yourself, as you are a vision of god - is to take care of your mind, body and any sculptures of any deity you might possess (provided you are a Hindu of course). Suddenly I put two and two together and jumped up to find my brass sculpture of Ganesha.

I probably should have taken a before and after photo. But then I'd have to hang my head in shame. This little guy is about 4.5" tall, and he's been with me ever since I moved to my first apartment back in 1997.

Traditionally, Ganesha is to be displayed near the entrance or doorway of one's abode. Ganesha is the remover of all obstacles and is the omen for good luck and fortune. Ganesha also penned the Mahabharata, one of 2 epics about ancient India. You can also read a lot more about his creation story here.

I don't think Ganesha has been quite this shiny in our home for years. My mother was right, polishing every nook and cranny of this sculpture was meditative, and it got me to do some deep thinking about some subjects I've been avoiding, not to mention the ephemeral nature of our existence. Thanks reader, for sharing in my journey, I feel more found than lost today. I am here.

"That's a good-looking camera," he said. "What kind is it?"

2011-07-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

"A Pentax," she said.

"Pentax," he said. He looked at the camera, and at her. "And you can take pictures at night with it?"

"Time exposures," she said.

Dear Judy Miller, thanks for this lovely find at the thrift store. (she penned her name twice inside our copy of the book)

The above was pulled from one of my recent reads, The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin. Back in February I declared I would read 35 books in honor of my last birthday and post about each one. I am overdue in posting! Ever since I was young enough to borrow my dad's Disc camera, I have been interested in novels which mention a character being into photography. This book surprisingly fit into that category as the main character was an aspiring photographer. Oh, and I'm married so I can relate. Maybe.

I zoomed through this 145-page story. I don't mean to insult Mr. Levin by implying the writing was too simplistic, but I feel in some parts the dialogue felt more like a screenplay instead of a novel. The setup for many of the scene are great though! It's worth the read, much different than the 2004 film with Nicole Kidman. The book's main character/photographer/homemaker is Joanna. I knew all the parts about the perfect little town of Stepford and the perfect little wife she's destined to become against her will. I will however say that I was struck by the starkness and wonderful dramatic flair in the scene where Joanna is summoned to her best friend Bobbie's house. Bobbie doesn't seem like herself anymore, and stands over her kitchen sink, poised to cut her finger with a large knife to prove she is not a robot. This is one scary scene, much better than in the movie (albeit I have yet to see the original film).

Now if only my dear husband could build a robot clone of me to grocery shop and keep the house clean. Oh and maybe a second clone that would go be the ideal perfection-based employee. That would free the real me up for more blogging and art making. YEAH!!

It's time. Time for what??

2011-06-28T16:41:00.000-07:00

Time for Random Reference Tuesday of course! How's your week shaping up? Have you been on time to work? Have you had the opportunity to make time for your loved ones? Have you spent any time focusing on your goals? How about killed some time??? Killing?! That sounds violent, You Are Here is a place of peace, man! I guess it's time to stop repeating that t-word, but if you really want to hear the word sung beautifully alongside a trance-like delicate tinkling track, check out the beginning portion of my favorite 80's cover (original song written by Simon & Garfunkel come on people you should know that).

Last week a Facebook status message from my friend Keith inspired me to go digging into our bubble-wrapped treasures. Beaming after earning an A in Design class, he gifted me with the time piece below:

My all time favorite button is on the bottom right hand corner, the art deco looking one. Figures that'd be the one I'd chip in the move. It adds character, right??

Back to his status message, which read: What is happy? What does successful mean to you? Obviously he was wondering out loud how to define those parameters for himself -- and also whether anyone else questions this. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for all of us creative types by saying it's something we ponder from time to time in a autobiographical sort of way. What can be a more personal expression of who we are than the things we make, the drawings we sketch, the photos we capture? I have always felt a great admiration and a deep love for my dear friend Keith. Long ago we were neighbors. I simply can not believe what amazing luck I had to meet someone who was so pure of heart, so generous...someone who randomly lived next door to me! Some people change your life forever, in a way you can never forsee.

I love the opalescent shimmer of this clock. The contrast of the black buttons vs. the cream ones. The tiny little rounded button 'footies' so that it looks even better on display. The fact that all the buttons were carefully chosen and individually adhered. You would never even know this clock was from Ikea! Keith, my dear friend, you have always seen the potential beauty and vision in objects like no other person I've ever known. The things you make, the relationships you maintain - they are all carefully chosen. This vision flows into the rest of your life as well, as you utilize your god given talents every day. Whether it's in your garden, your pups, your endless remodel of your home or even those workshops you dream up at work. Every time I look at this clock I can see your smiling face, and I can immediately reminisce in that intoxicating aura of creation that emits from the very fiber of your being. I view you as a model of happiness and success because everything you touch becomes a work of art, beauty revealed. And that is not easy to come by in this world.

I have simply got to find somewhere amazing to display your creation, just in the nick of time I'm late for dinner!

Being of Indian descent is not a fashion accessory.

2011-06-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 3rd installment of Random Reference Tuesday! Today's post will be down and dirty, today seems to have gotten away from me and I'm 2 (or more) yawns away from laying in bed to pretend that I'm going to read a book. Note to self: photo books containing technical mumbo jumbo are great material to drop off to sleep with. I digress. Today's object is the one, the only, the tiny-nosed-Jasmine-from-Aladdin-resembling Indian Barbie.

1995 India Barbie, for your viewing pleasure. She came complete in a hot pink box with the Taj Mahal on the back.And please, don't ask me where her shoes are. I have no earthly idea!

When I was little I hated Barbies. I was repulsed by any shade of pink. Barbie was like walking Pepto-Bismol, good golly why so many of my friends worshiped that stomach-aching pink was well beyond my comprehension. My mom recounts repeatedly extracting severed Barbie parts out of multiple trashcans in our 2 level home. Sounds disturbing, don't it? I will never forget pulling and tugging her head, all to discover it was impossible to remove. After all, isn't the fun in destruction? Remember to create one must destroy. Perhaps I was working on a really trite art piece even then. I also recall for some odd reason I enjoyed gently chewing on her little shoes. Eww, gross now that I think about it! At some point a family friend gifted me with an Indian Barbie, swathed in shiny red fabric complete with glistening gold embellishments. She even had a tiny hole in her nose to snap a rhinestone nose piercing into. She was perfect. I rarely ever played with her, and I never dreamed of chewing on her shoes. Once I remember trying to unwrap her sari to see if it was like my mothers, all to discover it was cinched with elastic to give the appearance of multiple layers of clothing. I grew up, and like so many toys of my youth, it was donated to the Salvation Army.

In high school wrote dreadful poetry about being the only piece of milk chocolate in a box of white chocolate and so on -- you get my drift. The dad of the first guy I dated wanted to see the jewel in my navel -- he told me I could be a spokesmodel in a car showroom due to my 'look'.

Back in 1998, I was working on my BFA in Chicago. My friend Vickie and I would discuss my endless quest to pictorialize the stereotypes I faced as a person of Indian descent. My deepest desire was to visually communicate (through my photography) to others how I was acutely aware that I was different all through childhood. Although I purposely attended a university which enrolled approximately 30% Asian population, I could not shake the feelings of isolation and segregation so deeply rooted in my past. Quite frankly I'd had enough of the appearance based stereotypes, rude statements about how an Indian person's food must smell, that we've all just directly come off the boat, we can't speak/read English, etc. I also hated filling out Equal Opportunity/Diversity forms, as being lump summed under the word Asian just still really grinds my gears. And for the record, I'm all for equal opportunity okay? I am after all, an 'asian' female, a double whammy minority so I've been told. Bah.

A few weeks after yet another heated late night conversation with Vickie, a box arrived at my apartment door from Ebay. What was inside? The doll pictured above. A statement of all that is 'Indian'. I laughed. And I admit, I tugged on her head a little to see if it'd pop off...

Some will. Some won't. Yes, you can buy happy in a cup.

2011-06-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've been staring at the monitor proclaiming I have nothing of importance to say for the past hour and a half. Subsequently, this leads to a time-killing ritual of flipping back and forth between Facebook, YouTube, various blog reading and my all time favorite past time - typing random thoughts into Google's search bar just to see what will come up. Time-killing. I don't want to kill anything, that's messy. But who refers to it as time-embracing? Anyway, during the day I resolve to use my time properly, job searching and filling out a dizzying array of online job applications. I've found too many breaks leads to laziness as staring at a CRT all day is hard on the eyes. So I save my major goofing off for post-sunset, a great strategy so far. Today I found this great blog entry, about how not to take rejection so personally. And why do I need to read that? Perhaps it's because I went on my first job interview in 6 months yesterday. I thought it went great and I hoped for the best, clad in my classic Eddie Bauer seersucker striped summer power suit (sounds strange but it really is beautiful for this climate). My outlook was improving exponentially this morning until the icy rejection form letter popped into my email box just in time to loose my appetite for lunch.

I want to write something happy and uplifting for you, my dear reader. And quite honestly, for myself. Unfortunately today, I just can't. Dear brain, I really need some rest tonight. My body is tired and aching from our newly re-started workout regimen, and I would really appreciate if you could stop ripping at the remaining strands of my confidence when I should be sleeping. I am tired, dammit!

The above mentioned blog posting had something really prophetic to say about something else that's really been on my mind.

<an actual excerpt from Christine Kane's post>
SWSWSWSW. This stands for “Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting!” It means that some people are going to love what you do. Then, there will be those who visit your blog, look at your paintings, listen to your songs, read your poems, review your resume – and they’ll shrug and say, “Yea, not so much.” So what? Somewhere out there someone is waiting for your gift. And if you have to keep working on your craft, or wait a little while, that’s okay!"

I love you, my blog followers, even if you just lurk around or are new to creating a log-in and password (Shout out to T - welcome!) But I must admit, one particular individual has been running wild with non-topic related comments here. These comments have taken my sanguine journey on an ineffectual detour to Lameville. Last night I spent several minutes deleting pointless posts that have been written to provoke me into replying and then in turn sedate me with a back handed compliment. So I've changed the comment moderation of this blog. I know who you are, he who changes his log-in name and has posted again today. I will not tolerate this sort of behavior in this place, my blog.


Tonights new treat: lemon ginger frozen yogurt (with a tiny spot of strawberry) at a little spot called Happy Cup. Mango mochi marshmallows are my NEW favorite thing. And if you haven't had a Newman's Ginger-O cookie, you have not lived get yo' behind to a Whole Foods, stat!

Even the cup is happy! How can you not smile when you look at this?

Love is splendid, 'til you say goodbye to your wife...

2011-06-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already time for the second installment of Random Reference Tuesday! For those of you who don't know, I started this series last week (click here) to commemorate our decision of not moving across the country this summer with all our worldly possessions.

I don't know what this is called, but it looks to be some sort of Day of the Dead diorama. Now see, would I deceive you about the degree of randomness you will experience when you hang with me on Tuesday? I am not kidding about the fact that this little bugger just turned up randomly in a box of things from the last time I moved out of Chicago. What I do remember is that Shmoopie's mom did assist me in packing some things while I was job searching in another state. She swears she has no idea where it came from. I still can't explain how such a unique object would end up in a former nun's basement. Surely this wasn't a vacation momento gift from someone at her church:

Dimensions: 4"(l) x 1 3/4" (w) x 2 1/2" (h). No signature or markings found.

Sidebar: Day of the Dead is a holiday that I do believe is rather interesting. A celebration to honor the life of the deceased. I have always been fascinated thinking of people dressing in bright colored clothing, eating a festive meal at their loved one's graveside. Maybe this is because in India, everyone is cremated. I don't personally have any family graves to go visit.

In a way I think this holiday helps normalize the fear associated with skulls and skeletons. I mean think about it, in cartoons when I was young, a character would avoid drinking from a bottle with a skull and crossbones on it. Because skulls mean death. Back to the festive parts of the holiday, I would so totally eat one of these festive cookies any day! I would also love to participate again in a community display of dioramas in the future. Meanwhile, I love looking at all the ornamentation, the colors and the patterns of this holiday which far triumph the red and green of Christmas.

Which brings me back to the point of this post. Why hold on to this object? I didn't even know what the text meant until today. My friend A translated the Spanish passage. "El amor una cosa esplendorosa hasta que te cae tu esposa" roughly translates to "Love is splendid, 'til you say goodbye to your wife".


Clearly Mr. Skeleton is not in bed with Mrs. Skeleton. Miss Tramp skeleton has no top on. ¡Ay no!


Mrs. Skeleton catches them in the 'act'. Hey, at least that tiny television is cute!!

While I am fairly sure I didn't take Spanish in school to comprehend things like these, I'm fairly certain that I'm thrilled that this scene isn't on display in my living room...now that I know what the translation is. Got any ideas what I should do with it? Any takers?

Random reference Tuesday

2011-06-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

For a while now, I've been throwing around the idea that I'd use specific days of the week to post 'themed' posts. This may be an excuse not to choose a blog topic, I just really don't really know. I haven't been terribly moved lately to do anything substantial. I really need to get on with things. LOTS of things in my life that have been on hold. Lately life has been about searching job postings, trying to get the bathroom drain back in working order, writing and then rewriting cover letters and a whole lot of pity party throwing. I can not throw a party, not a fun one anyways.

One of things I meant to post about last month was the fact that it was May, and for once in FIVE blessed years I am not preparing to box up our household and move cross country! Nope, my ears will not be filled with squawking sounds of the tape gun! We are in fact, staying here in the land of sunshine. For a while. It's definitely one of the better places we've decided to live in. It's time to muster up some happy! Therefore, I want to do something special each week to commemorate this special occasion.

In true style of this random blog about everything - I present to you, Random Reference Tuesday. What the hell is that you ask? Every Tuesday, I will choose something we own and post images of it. Who knows what it'll be? Maybe I can throw it on the scanner, maybe I can not. Maybe you'll completely understand why we'd own it, or maybe not. Heck, I don't know if I'll understand it either! The goal of this is 2-fold: 1) You, my dear reader can have a more in-depth view into the fact that artists are hoarders. No, it's not an illness (well, hopefully not). I simply mean image makers keep many images around them as reference, sometimes without any real explanation as why. Ten years may pass before you (the artist) make the connection as to why you are inspired to make something because of this reference image you possess. 2) I need to reacquaint myself with the 'stuff' we have. My dear C is an artist as well, so we have double the stuff to pick through. <sidebar: This stuff boggles my mind as we have downsized at least 4x and still have random stuff? dang> Considering much of it has been in boxes, I'm hoping this little exercise may inspire art making, or heck, a little merging and purging! We'll see....

In spirit of keeping this random, I literally chose the first object I saw. It happened to be on a bookshelf right next to my bed. Upon opening, it smells strongly of wet dirt and mildew. No really, I can smell it from a good 3 feet away from my face. Apparently Popular Mechanics put out a Farm Manual back in 1947. We have the 1957 version. "An Encyclopedia of illustrated handy kinks to help you on the farm, in the shop and save you time, labor and money". And this nifty book cost a whole $3.00 back in the day.

I don't know about you, but I'm not super versed in farm practices of yesteryear, forget about yesterday. I can see why my dear C has chosen to keep this book, his grandfather was an avid farmer and really, who isn't fascinated by the fact that a person could self-sustain their entire household on their own land, their own turf?

My favorite image by far. A boy's best friend, his chicken.

The book is chock full of directions on how to build poultry houses, chick brooders, incubators and milk cooling tanks. The diagrams might as well be in a foreign language to me. Farming seems far from simple in my eyes, but hey in this day and age do you blame me?

I could make a crass S&M joke here, but I will refrain...

Commemorating summer with corn.

2011-05-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Suddenly it's summer time! We already have tomatoes beginning to blush here, and my basil is keeping up with my mad cooking demands. Last weekend I got to thinking about fond memories of summer when I was a teenager at my parents. After a dreaded early morning trip to the farmer's market in Kansas City (yeah can't believe I hated that back then but hey I was into eating, not cooking), we'd arrive home with a bevvy of fresh vegetables and mangos. Yum! My parents had this system, dad would prep the corn ie: he'd shuck and shred, and mom would cook. I got to thinking about the smell of Corn Chevada cooking on a Sunday morning - complete with Kenny G (don't ask) blaring from my dad's stereo. I finally made the recipe in my household last weekend, and thought I might share it with you. Do let me know if you try it, it really is simple and delicious!

Brunch dish: Corn Chevada

Chevada plus some hot pepper crescent rolls.

Prep Time: 1 hour
Servings: 4-6 (depending on serving size)

12-15 ears of corn, shucked

When selecting fresh corn, make sure the silk is healthy in color. If it is dark brown or dry, the corn is not fresh.

1 T canola oil
1T mustard seeds
4 Thai or Serrano chilies (adjust this depending on the heat you desire), chopped (suggestion: remove seeds to decrease heat. But I don't do this.)
2T lemon juice (reserve 1T for later)
Salt to taste
Turmeric to taste

1. Using a hand grater with larger slots, too small of slots will lead to mush. Shred all ears of corn.

You do not need to apply much pressure, it is a little messy Traditionally this recipe requires milk, but this method utilizes the natural corn "milk" produced from shredding. Tender ears of corn are perfect for this!

2. Heat 1T oil on medium high heat, add mustard seeds and fry until they begin to pop. Be careful, those little buggers can jump right at ya!

3. Add corn and chilis, salt and turmeric to taste, then 1T lemon juice last.

4. Stir until all is incorporated, turn heat to low - it is important to not let this burn! Add a lid while mixture bubbles, making sure to let the steam escape. When you are ready to eat, add some more lemon OR lime juice on top. Enjoy!

Please note that my dear C assisted in the photo documentation of the corn ears and shredding. Thank goodness for a second pair of hands!

How badly do you want to make art?

2011-05-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

As a creative person who really should be exercising the act of creation every day, let's be real for a moment. This is not a romantic choice, this life has real challenges, and it's far from hippy/trippy b.s. portrayed in stereotyped movies (for example). The last year and a half have been most difficult for me, regarding the balance between real life responsibilities and MY self imposed ideals of good emotional health=creation of good art. I know I am full of excuses. I'm a broken record. I'm afraid: I don't feel like it, I'm not in the mood, I should be looking for a real job, I'm a disappointment to my parents, nothing specifically inspires me at times, paralyzed by decisions, where do I go now, I have no time, make new new new, I'm not a web designer, how do I afford that idea, etc., etc.

In fact just last night while in the 'studio', my husband and I were discussing the fact that we don't feel like "real" artists anymore. When the heck did this happen? This statement just really got me in a funk. A deep, dark, confused angry-tears mood. W.t.f.? Six years ago we were making archival darkroom prints every weekend and in tandem co-curating our own gallery show. A year and a half ago we were traveling cross-country to each install our own solo shows in an established museum. An hour before this conversation I was in good spirits, happily retouching my image in order to make a print for a juried show (details about that later). I couldn't help but continue to mull over the following question:

How long does a creative person need to be alive and producing work in this world to feel confident or is this just part of the process because being an artist entails feeling insecure (because one's emotions are on the line)?

On my husband's search to tenure-track success, we gave up a lot more than just the constancy of a permanent residence. No longer could we afford a constant work space, leading to the invention of more creative spaces to work ie: last year the 'creation cave' ala basement, this year a outdoor screened in porch. No space for the digital component of our work, but it was space nonetheless. Where there's a will there's a way, right? But there are still days I want to quit this 'nonsense'. Note here I am partially channeling my practical, frugal parental units who religiously attend every major art opening at their local institution, but whom fail to make the leap that those artists were once struggling in their tiny little domiciles, perhaps waiting for grant money to come through, haven't been on a vacation in years or bought a new pair of shoes for that matter all while happily eating ramen for supper. Ok I'm being a tiny bit dramatic. But you know what I mean. Or hey, maybe you don't. Of course we all want to see ourselves and our friends at the top of their game. But as I get older, I find myself more and more fascinated by someone like Van Gogh for example, who didn't sell a single painting while he was alive. Oh but he was so very driven. Have you ever seen Lust for Life? If you haven't, you really should. The man painted plein air in the wind. Jaw-dropping awe if you ask me. That inner drive he had was so strong, nothing could shake it.

In our results oriented society of today, I'd say Van Gogh's path would be interpreted as an epic fail, leading to ultimately being prompted by telemarketers to go back to school (because Obama wants you to) - followed by a life finished off as a medical transcriptionist in a small town with reasonable benefits. Pshaw! Well hey at least you'd have all your teeth. Maybe I'm just being negative. I know, everyone isn't destined for the top 1% of fame. I'm not that cocky to even dream of being in the same category and I'd never claim to be.

You're probably wondering what the hell is the point of this post. Hmm...I'm wondering too. Oh yes, human beings with a creative soul achieving the goal of ~~making~~ (no scratch that) expressing something in the world. No matter who you are, thin or tall, sick or well, rich or poor. Which leads me to a person who has inspired me lately. Her name is Juliann (aka @TheSickChick for those of you on Twitter) and she's chronically ill. I met her through iHanna's postcard swap, when her later-arriving postcard masterpiece arrived in my mail box. Check it her hand-felted goodness:

CORRECTION: This piece was made by a process called Needle Felting. Needle felting is the process of poking fluffy wool with a barbed

needle hundreds of times to sculpt a shape.

Needle felting is basically sculpting and painting with wool!

I've been literally petting this creation, marveling at the various colors and how calm it makes me feel. Juliann included a little sorry this is late note, but quite honestly after reading her story on her site it only reemphasizes the fact that she has *nothing* to be sorry about. She's overcome such a myriad of health obstacles; her goal is to craft as much as possible as a way to overcome her depression and anxiety resulting from her illnesses. And the result is so beautiful, so free flowing and calm. It made me learn about something new that I never would have known unless it had arrived in my mail box. This is what art is about. At the heart of the matter, the world be damned, amazing works are being handcrafted every single day here on earth. Taking the time to examine them and learn about the the people behind these masterpieces, big or small -- is one of the greatest gifts of a life expressed in the arts.

2–3–5 (Pyramid)

2011-05-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

So I've been looking at my posting history for the past few months, all to discover a scary pattern; 2-3-5. This month I should have 5 posts, according to this pattern. This post is measly number 3. I've only got 4 days to maintain/break the pattern!

Also, since when have I become a ~~football~~ futbol fan? I ask because apparently 2-3-5 is a super traditional game playing formulation.

The 2–3–5 was originally known as the "Pyramid," with the numerical formation being referenced retrospectively. By the 1890s, it was the standard formation in England and had spread all over the world. With some variations, it was used by most top level teams up to the 1940s. (Image and text borrowed from Wikipedia.

In addition to ~~attempting~~ failing to make proper time to write, there are just dreary days like today (oh like THIS WHOLE WEEK) that don't inspire me to post because well, who wants to read of such drudgery? Do you for example want to read about the 12 jobs I applied for this week? Or the fact that I haven't been on a real job interview in 7 months....leading me to fear that I have some kind of job-repellent spray applied to my person? Or perhaps you want to know I've been to the dentist 3 times in the last week, or that I've made 2 different types of fruit smoothies this week? Or that I have volunteered over 110 hours working at a cultural institution in my town? Or that I watched 5 movies from the library, 1 awful horror flick and one Amitabh Bhachchan movie containing the following song that I can't get out of my head?

Oh and last night, I wore a dress I haven't worn in 7 years and drank 3 glasses of white wine, polished off with a trip to Five Guys. Ok ok, I think I've covered my need to enumerate. Maybe.....

From tomatoes to coconut, news from Nae's kitchen.

2011-05-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today's post contains a few of the many recipes I have promised to post. Scroll through, take what you want and ignore the rest. And post back if you choose to prepare any of these yourself, I would love to hear how it turned out!

A few weeks back I prepared a meal for the dietitian in my life, not a simple task as most dietitians are food Nazis (sorry mom!). If you are looking to balance the caloric content of your meals, it's best advised to save your calories for indulging on dessert OR a cocktail, NOT both in the same meal. Moderation is key so you can have your cake and eat it too so to speak. (note: I'm not listing any dietary information, borrrrring!)

Appetizer - Caprese Salad

Prep time: 10 mins
Servings: variable, in this case 4

This is one of the most simple, non cooking related appetizers of all time! All you need to do is to slice (1/4" thickness) up a couple fresh tomatoes, along with some fresh mozzarella. Mozzarella comes in both cows/buffalo milk varieties. Both are tasty. I was lucky enough to have both red and yellow tomatoes from our local Farmer's Market - can't wait for some tasty ugly Heirloom 'maters!! Note: Make sure that you use a sharp knife, don't want to squish your beautiful 'maters while slicing.

Arrange slices on a platter, add salt and black pepper to taste, drizzle with 1 tablespoon olive oil. If you own a Misto, I use it for a more even application of oil. Keep it simple! Finish off by sprinkling with torn fresh basil. The basil is from my happy basil plant off my front porch - I was glad to think of this appetizer as I already have a stockpile of pesto in the fridge.

Note to self: Research other recipes which use fresh basil!

Main dish - Fish Fillets and Baby Spinach with Balsamic Vinaigrette
Taken from the New Limited Edition Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook

Prep time: 30 mins
Servings: 4

1 pound fresh or frozen orange roughy, cod OR tilapia fillets, 3/4" to 1" thick (Note: I used fresh tilapia, it's inexpensive and fresh has a completely different taste)
4 cups baby spinach leaves (stem trimming optional)
1 medium onion, cut into thin wedges (if you like sweeter tastes red onion is great)
3T olive oil or cooking oil
1 medium red or yellow sweet pepper, cut into thin strips (I like to use 1/2 of both for color)
2T balsamic vinegar
1T honey (remember to pick some up at the Farmer's Market and support your local farmer!)

1. Thaw fish, if frozen. Rinse fish; pat dry with paper towels. Cut fish into 4 serving size pieces if necessary. Set aside. Place spinach in a large bowl; set aside. In a large skillet cook onion in 1 tablespoon of the oil over medium heat for 5 to 6 minutes or until tender and slightly golden. Add sweet pepper; cook and stir 1 minute more. Remove from heat. Stir onion mixture into spinach; transfer to a serving platter. Set aside.

2. Meanwhile, sprinkle fish fillets with 1/8 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon black pepper. In same large skillet heat the remaining 2 tablespoons oil over medium-high heat. Add fish; cook 4 minutes. Carefully turn fish. Reduce heat to medium; cook 3 minutes more or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Place fish fillets on top of wilted spinach; cover to keep warm.

3. In a small bowl stir together the balsamic vinegar and honey. Add to skillet. Cook and stir until heated through, scraping up any browned bits. To serve, spoon mixture over fish and spinach.

Desert - Neha's Super-duper Florida Lime Pie
cobbled together from various experiments


I admit it, after some failed attempts at graham cracker crust, I now use store bought.

Prep time: 30 mins
Servings: 6-12 depending on thickness of the slice

1 - Preprepared graham cracker crust
1 c lime juice (approximately 24 key limes) Note: Key limes have seeds and it's a real labor of love to juice those tiny suckers. I prefer to use Nelly's Key Lime juice.
2T fresh key lime zest
4 large or extra large egg yolks
1 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk (the fat free version works great in this recipe!)

Use an electric mixer and beat the egg yolks until they are thick and turn to a light yellow, don't over mix. Turn the mixer off and add the sweetened condensed milk. Turn speed to low and mix in half of the lime juice. Once the juice is incorporated add the other half of the juice and the zest, continue to mix until blended (just a few seconds). Pour the mixture into the pie shell and bake at 350F for 12 minutes to set the yolks. Note time may vary depending on your oven. Shake the pan lightly, the middle should 'jiggle' when the custard has set. Cool, then put in fridge.

It is my distinct opinion key lime pie is best when refrigerated for a full 24 hours prior to serving. Serve with fresh whip cream, I enjoy Reddi-Whip as I like to make patterns of whip cream depending on if the person wants a little bit or a lot! You can also garnish with a little bit of lime zest on top, or a very thin slice of key lime. I have had a love affair with key lime for years, so I enjoy it's tartness after eating a sweet piece of pie. Enjoy!

Cookies - Homemade Samoas
Recipe from Yummly.com


I used Kraft caramels in my pantry that were over a year old. Waste not - want not, right?

Prep time: 1.5 hrs (or 1 if you are an avid cookie baker)
Servings: 45 cookies

I must say that a homemade girl scout cookie can be a real treat! I don't really enjoy shredded coconut, but I enjoyed the heck out of this puppy! I had to make this one to prove to my husband that yes, it is indeed possible to make something like this at home.

All steps pictured here, minus consumption!

Some suggestions after you check out the recipe on Yummly:
1. Unsweetened coconut is awesome. You can purchase this inexpensive item from any Asian grocery store.
2. While on the subject of coconut, reduce requested 3 cups to 2 1/2. Or, slightly increase caramels - we had a hard time getting the mixture to stick on the cookie while spreading because the ratio was off.
3. If you don't have a cookie cutter the correct size, don't despair! We used the lid from a spice container. Just make sure to wash it before returning it to that container.
3. Watch your cookies very closely while you bake. I had several that were a tad 'too' brown as I had rolled the dough unevenly (cut cookies take practice!)
4. Use a larger tool to make the hole in the center of the cookie. I used a larger straw, but it wasn't large enough once the cookies were baked.
5. Substituting Grand Marnier or coconut rum for vanilla is completely acceptable (and encouraged).
6. If you choose to make your cookies on a more humid day - consider placing them in the fridge to help the chocolate to set up. This would have saved me a lot of aggravation - I thought we were going to have to eat them all as they were super gooey! These are perfect for freezing to prolong enjoyment!

Come on over, the door's open for a sweet treat!

The final two.

2011-05-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Three weeks since my last post, my how time flies when you're in a funk! I'd been planning that my final postcard post would contain the last 5 from ihanna's postcard swap, but I believe the mailman will not be bringing the other 3 any time soon! Hey 7 out of 10, not bad at all, eh? Unfortunately, after all the postcard excitement, things have creatively come to a screeching halt in my abode. But I'm working on it. May is a time for renewal, right??

Moving onward, below are the final 2 postcards I received:


(top) Image by Angela / (bottom) Image by Elina

I love receiving mail. But it's even more exciting when it ranges from Texas to Finland in one day! I love collage, so I find it fitting that the swap ends for me this year with 2 drastically different images which both utilize collage. I put Angela's image on top because it was springy and airy and contained a great quote by Natalie Goldberg. The bronze colored flowers glimmer when I tilt it to and fro and it makes me happy! Elina's abstract composition invites me in, with an intriguing combination of light and dark. Hers was a reproduction of the original collage, and I like the image even more when I checked out her flicker photos (click on her name under the photo). I had to include the stamp on the envelope because I love it!!! Red shoes belong in future collage for sure!

All in all, this was a wonderful experience, and I've made some new friends. I also realize I need to utilize my email more. Facebook is a great tool, but I've become lazy when it comes to logging in and out of multiple applications. Lots to think about - thanks for stopping by, next time I vow to be less moody and show more photos!

I just got 3 letters, wonder who they're from?

2011-04-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

So I avoided looking at bills and junk mail this week to check examine these new beauties from the postcard swap instead:

Created by Deborah: glisteninthesunshine@blogspot.com

This electric blue image was made in Mexico, Deborah adds her own spin to her shots through utilizing filters in Photoshop. The glossy paper, and inclusion of text really add to this dramatic image. I am automatically transported to the peace within oneself found only at the beach. I'm ready to jump into that boat and quietly float along the waves.


Created by Laura: paperthreadjournal.blogspot.com

What struck me upon receipt of this card was the packaging. Laura had carefully wrapped up her card in a thin brown craft paper, a paper that is only found overseas - US paper is heavier in fiber content. This paper wrapping combined with her handwriting made me think of the letters long ago my family would receive from my grandfather in India. Ahh, nostalgia! As for the postcard itself, well check it out, it's amazing! I love all the various floral patterns, and the fact that Laura combined both paper and fabric in her creation. I very well may use this as an inspiration point for some pattern doodlings of my own!


Created by Angi: makingmayhem.blogspot.com

And last but not least, more shades of blue by Angi. I'm enjoying how the themes of blue water and lime green have tied these 3 works of art together. The scan does not do this card justice, she added a teal shimmery element to the blue background - what girl doesn't love a little subtle shimmer? I felt connected with the image and the quote - I admire her choice to color in the empty spaces of the letters in white - I love the mini staples and the burned edges. My favorite part are the lines that radiate from the word power, and that the background text stamps fall into the background texture - I'm not even sure what they say yet!

Today, I feel the power of being connected to my fellow art makers. The act of creation is so important to many people in the world and I am so glad to make that special connection to these 3 wonderful artists and their blogs. You should check 'em out too!!!!

Postcards from The Netherlands & NYC in the same day!

2011-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00


Top image: by Deezy / Bottom image: by Stephanie Aliberti

I love mail. The other day my Facebook status said that I was "gonna write until my hand hurt. With a pen. You hear me universe?". I love writing letters. Sometimes to people I don't know. I had at least 2 penpals growing up but we lost track fast. I also have a continuing fascination with stamps. And mail cancellation stamps. Ok I'll have to post some imagery about that later, let me refocus. Recently I posted about my participation in iHanna's postcard swap. I sent out my ten postcards, and now the fun part of receiving mail art in return has arrived!

Postcard number one (horizontal image) is by Ms. Deezy, an artist residing in The Netherlands. I really appreciate that this postcard swap is international!! I love the color palette, the colors, and the addition of the 3-D elements (ribbon like detail). The hand stamping is such a delicate, lovely element which really ties the card together. My post office left it slightly worse for wear, see the tear near her face, but oddly enough the torn image is still on the card - I might glue it back into place! I've also been thinking a lot about my friends lately. We are mostly ALL long distance, which really stinks. But in particular I found the quotation on this card very meaningful to my thought process in the past few days.

Postcard number two (vertical image) is by Stephanie Aliberti, an art therapist residing in Astoria. My first thought was the weight of this card. The image is mounted on a heavier board with rounded edges. It's a monoprint of the Empire State Building and it's been handcolored. I am of course, super drawn to the color red lately, so I am rather fond of the left side of the image. She tells me the image was made while stuck in traffic on 34th Street near Macy's. Ahhh...now I see the Macy's sign in yellow! As a visual artist, I am always struck at times, how we can compose a work of art, an idea that comes together in an instant. It takes so much longer to make that vision a tangible part of reality. I feel the energy in this image, and how Stephanie took what could be a frustrating moment to most, and turned it into art. In turn, this is life. The world we live in is filled with potential.

Suddenly I'm not all crabby about getting the mail! Now I know it won't all be junk mail and bills. Can't wait to see what's next!!!

Back then, I was a foodie in training.

2011-04-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I'm a slob. Years upon years have resulted in tiny scraps of paper: from chats with my mom , clippings from the Chicago Tribune/random magazines on lazy Sunday mornings, a quick recipe I caught on a cooking channel. Secretly I wanted the world to know I could cook. Where do all these papers end up? Try everywhere! Try as I might no organizational methods have worked. I even tried pasting them in a book, transposing onto recipe cards in a box...that one has worked some. At least now I attempt to prepare these meals. They were imaginary plans once upon a time. Lets not even talk about how many recipe related bookmarks I have online. Now I just find it funny. I did recently pitch most of my overused post-it note collection from my cookbook pile, because well, gosh how long do I need all these reminders of the stuff I planned to make but never got around to? I doubt I want to eat the same things I desired years ago. Or do I?

The other day I was flipping pages in my paste-up book, and came across the recipe I most remember cooking in college. Most college students have limited budgets, and are quite honestly, lazy. My most fond memory of this recipe was preparing it for my friend Raina. The recipe called for wine, so I thought it was fancy. Grownup even. It was Easter, and I remember packing up my pans, blender, spices, garlic, onions, anything I had on hand so that we could pick up a few incidentals at the grocery store and enjoy a meal together. I must have cooked this back in 1998, thirteen years ago. I made it Tuesday night and it was a huge hit! What cracks me up now is my various modifications. I can't leave recipes alone now. Also I like to improvise *a lot* more now if I don't have the exact ingredients. I remember how much the idea of cooking something like this used to be daunting. Now I can complete it with ease. Maybe I am a grown up after all. ha!

All the ingredients at hand - upper left corner is my silly old recipe book!

Shrimp in Spicy Tomato Sauce

6 servings

6T olive oil

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 stalk celery, finely chopped (I used 2 stalks. Tip: To de-string celery, run your potato peeler over it a few times - works like a charm!)

1 small red pepper, seeded and chopped (I used a generous handful of Vine Sweet mini peppers from Costco)

1/2c red wine ($2.99 at CVS - not bad for cooking!)

1T wine vinegar

1 14oz can of plum tomatoes, chopped with juice (tried the Value time brand for kicks, no real difference from Del Monte except a tad more sodium content)

salt and freshly ground black pepper

2 lb fresh peeled shrimp (I used thawed frozen, it was great and on sale!)

2-3 cloves garlic (I used 8, depends on how garlicky you like)

3T finely chopped parsley (cilantro/basil is awesome here, even spinach in a pinch)

1 piece dried chili, crumbled or chopped (I use 3/4T crushed pepper or 1/2t extra hot cayenne powder)

Cooked pasta of your choice (I prefer fettucine noodles but angel hair is great too)

1. In a heavy sauce pan, heat half of the oil, add onion, cook over low heat until soft. Stir in the celery and chopped peppers. Cook for 5 minutes more. Raise heat to medium high, add the wine, vinegar and tomatoes (with juice). Season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil and cook for about 5 minutes.

I love the festive colors, once you add the wine the aromas of the peppers and onions are enhanced.

2. Lower the heat, cover the pan and simmer until the vegetables are soft, about 30 minutes. Puree the sauce through a food mill. (So this could be a blender, food processor, or in my case my favorite tool in the whole wide world that takes up no room: The Cuisinart Smartstick.)

The smartstick is a real time saver, as long as your pot is deep enough, you don't want spatter everywhere!

3. Shell the shrimp and devein them, either by using a deveniner or by making a shallow incision with a small knife down the center of the back to disclose the long black vein. Remove and discard. (OR be saavy and buy it shelled/deveined at the store. I buy a frozen brand which requires a small amount of shelling, but its already cut/deveined so that saves time).

4. Heat the remaining oil in a clean heavy saucepan. Stir in the garlic, parsley and chili if using. Cook over moderate heat, stirring constantly, until the garlic is golden. Do not let it brown/burn (it will taste bitter otherwise)! Add the tomato sauce and bring to a boil. Taste for seasoning.

5. Stir in the shrimp. Bring the sauce back to a boil. Reduce heat slightly and simmer until the shrimp are light pink in color and firm, about 4-6 minutes, depending on their size. Remove from heat and serve over pasta.


Tip: If you are unsure, fish one shrimp out of the pan and cut it in half. Do not overcook, it they will get rubbery.

Dinnertime!

One dozen experiments, coming right up!

2011-03-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back! My last post was about my creation/destruction efforts for the iHanna 2011 postcard swap. Well, I am finally done! I love the feeling of committing to a small creative project and finally arriving to the completion stage. So many times I'll start something and not finish, and I'm working on my goal to complete something and it feels good. The paint and glue is dry, all that's left is a clear coat and then off in the mail they go to ten lucky random recipients all over the world. I wonder what their new owners will think! The extra 2 postcards will go to some lucky soul I know, I'm sure. :)

Yup, I'm a junkaholic. I swear I throw most stuff like this away. Honest.

This little assignment really pushed me to use little bits and pieces of stuff I have been saving for years, things that have a long history in my household. Some examples are: envelope liner, tissue paper, old dream journals, leftovers from my senior thesis (back in 1999 -eek), a farmers almanac, cartoon bubbles, an old Easter chocolate box, and my personal favorite: a birth control plastic box. What? Who saves that? Well, ummmm, me. Cuz I'm weird like that. It has this floral pattern that I was drawn to back in my mandala/henna days and several of these just kept floating around in my 'junk boxes'. I also decided I had to incorporate the pattern because I'd been holding onto the idea for a decade and well, when the hell was I going to finally *do* something?? NOW!! Below are the final results, do let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it!

Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. -Picasso

2011-03-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

Last year I spent a lot of time lurking on blogs and various websites, semi-seething with envy at the creative efforts of others. Sometimes my indecision and slow creation efforts led me to missed opportunities. There are times I lack the ability to commit myself creatively to any given project. Well, thanks to April Cole's spirited blog post the other day and some of her work in progress images on Facebook - I too decided to participate in iHanna's annual 2011 Post Card Swap!

How does it work? It's simple really. Sign up on her blog (deadline today 3/18!), create 10 handmade postcards and mail to her supplied mailing list by April 8th. In return, you will receive 10 unique postcards from your postcard swap pals. Last year 1500 cards were sent, and international addresses can enter as well. YIPPEE!! Reminds me a little bit of when I was a kid and had a few random pen pals from mysterious places in the world. Plus, I LOVE MAIL! Email makes me sad sometimes because sometimes, there is nothing like a good ole note with a canceled stamp to brighten up your day. Sometimes, I used to randomly pick people out of my address book and mail them something random. This seems even better to give and receive! Not to mention this will totally make me overlook the abundance of junk mail we've been getting lately.

I like challenges like this to break out of my traditional comfort zones. In the past I'd probably whip up some photo postcards, but I've been toying with a different idea for about a month and now seems like as good of a time as ever to experiment! Our local Blockbuster video is going out of town and they are having a huge clearance sale. You remember those cards at the video store used to display new releases or upcoming stuff available for rental? Even those were on sale. 20 for $1. These 5 1/2" x 8" beauties have beautifully rounded corners, most are made from a heavier duty card stock, but some were plastic as well. Various movie and tv series along with their iconic images were all on display in the sale case...you name it, more than likely you could find it. Unfortunately they were not in alphabetical order, or really any sort of decipherable order than I can mention. So my fellow junk-collector spouse and I gathered an enormous pile between us - probably about 150!

Stage 1: The cards in original form. A small sampling of the wide array of cards which were purchased. All in great condition! But not for long.....

Originally I planned to make upcycled notebooks with them, but I got busy with some sandpaper today and destroyed many images. I tell ya, it was pretty fun 'erasing' Angelina Jolie's face. I know that's an odd sentence. My brain is full of ideas, here is a work-in-progress sneak peak.

Stage 2: Destroyed. Give me varying grades of sandpaper and a sandpaper block and I'm a happy girl!

I can't wait to get at it tomorrow, who knows where this experiment will lead me!

Never say never.

2011-03-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

Slowly but surely I am making process reading the 35 books in honor of my recent birthday. If you didn't read that post please look here. So I've kinda been putting off my review of The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende. It's silly really, mostly I feel a bit of pressure as it was one of my husband's favorite books growing up and I don't want to critique a good childhood memory. I hope that makes sense!

My favorite frontispiece from the last chapter.

The book drew me in from the start - the main character, a chubby school boy named Bastian Balthazar Bux steals a book from a local bookstore after he is uncontrollably drawn to a mysteriously magical silken copper-colored book. The cover has two symmetrical serpents on the cover, forming an oval while they bite each others tails. I have always had a passing interest in ouroboros, so my curiosity was peaked! The two snakes represent the dual nature of the two worlds, Fantastica and Reality, but also the twin nature of their mutual creation and destruction. Also, I was lucky enough to read a first edition, illustrated with these amazing frontispieces by Roswitha Quadflieg. As if that wasn't visually appealing enough, the book is printed in 2 colors: green and red -- each symbolizing whether you are in 'never ending story' time or 'real' time from Bastian's point of view.

Bastian desperately needs an escape from his life of being teased, and his emotionally disconnected father. By hiding away in his school's attic and immersing himself in the book, he is transported to the world of Fantastica. Powered with a magical gem called the Auryn, Bastian can basically do anything his heart desires. He makes friends with wind giants, enormous worms, a living plant, trolls, and other magical creatures. The names of all the characters are fairly elaborate (darn those Germans)! He goes through it all - from joy to pain to making enemies. It's all a creation of his imagination, inside of which he is so incredibly immersed that his dreams seem to almost trap him inside this time-continuum of creativity. Eventually he learns not only his power to create with his mind but to destroy. My favorite portions of the story have to do with the Desert of Colors. I think I could hang out there for hours, provided no one was out to kill me! I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a insane visually-active imagination, or to someone who maybe needs to rediscover the childlike innocence of dreaming that anything is possible.

I am still overwhelmed by the strong feelings of like and dislike I have for Bastian's actions. It seems in the last few chapters he was so drunk by power, so altered by his lack of touchstone-to-reality that he transformed entirely. This is an extremely mature read for any child younger than 12 in my opinion. I really don't feel it's a children's book at all to be honest, which brings me to the idea that immersion into one's imagination is something that is only to be designated to children, not adults.

Last night I discovered that this book is based on a spiritual philosophy called Anthroposophy. This philosophy "brings the spiritual traditions of central Europe into a modern context. The philosophy postulates the existence of an objective, intellectually comprehensible spiritual world accessible to direct experience through inner development—more specifically through cultivating conscientiously a form of thinking independent of sensory experience." The more I think about it, the more I feel like this book would be a great starting point for a painting/drawing assignment - or even a exquisite corpse inspired writing assignment. For whatever reason, my mind is twirling with ideas. And isn't that the point of reading anyway? I can completely understand why this book has had a never-ending impact in my husband's imagination....

I love an art related challenge!

2011-03-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

The Transformation Squared collection table taking place this week.

I'm excited! This week I finally completed a mixed media piece this week and I'm super happy about the results. Let me tell you a little bit about the challenge. University of North Florida (UNF) has chosen pursue a community project entitled Transformation Squared: A Collaborative Self-Reflection.

"This project is inspired by “Imagination Squared: The Creative Response Experiment” initiated by local professional artists Dolf James and Christina Foard and recently exhibited at MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art). The mission of Transformation Squared is to create a collaborative experience that reflects the identity of the entire UNF community." It seems every one here in town is super 'square' crazy, and the Imagination Squared project will now be permanently installed in our downtown library. It's so interesting seeing so many different interpretations on such a small surface.

So UNF has invited anyone involved or attending the university to participate by creating a visual image of a self-reflection or some aspect of your identity on a 'Transformation Square block'. Your values, your passion...whatever. Each square is 5” x 1-1/2” deep. The finished square must fit with the following dimensions: 5 ½” x 5 ½” x 8” (You can add up to 6” to the top surface). After much consideration I was super jazzed about this 6" leeway and wanted to utilize this, as they will be hung in a grid formation so I figured my idea might be a real standout. Here's what I came up with, lemme know what you think!

Crazy fat side view

Title: Transplanted:Send me Home

Side view of my "door".

Detail

Doorway detail.

If you have any desire to see the other entries, join their Facebook group, as they post new pics everyday. The opening reception is in April, I'll have to post some photos after attending. Thanks for hanging out with me while I self indulge/brag!

Needing lots of time to ponder.

2011-03-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

Riverside Park's mossy view. The water was fairly calm today. 52 trees were lost in a bad storm back in 1997, but the city really cares about the historic value of this place!

I know, I haven't been around for a while. And although I'm long overdue for another book review, or a recap on my 35th birthday celebration, I just haven't been in a mood to write. Or really to talk much to anyone. A lot is going on at my house. Change is on the horizon. It's that time of year where you put some plants in the dirt, or maybe even transplant yourself somewhere you can continue to grow. I have had this constant need to obtain mental peace for 5, say even 10 consecutive minutes. I'm sorry to be so cryptic, maybe I can be more public about in say - a month's time. I'm just trying to enjoy the moment. So I went to Riverside Park after I did my volunteer work today at the Museum. I just needed to enjoy a sunny 62 degree windy day, make random photos, eat my delicious sandwich and spend time with me. Spring is in bloom and it's about time to clean some cobwebs out of the dark corners!

Nothing like a 'stinky tree'! Bradford pear blossoms do not smell good, trust me. Rotten meat anyone? Eck!

Remembering Sanchi. RIP. 2/7/11.

2011-02-11T20:37:00.000-08:00

c. 2010 Sanchi's 14th Birthday. Her tiny 9lb self. Yup, I made that hat out of a Starbucks Coffee sleeve. She thought it was stylish!

It's been a little over a month since we lost our dear friend, Sanchi to kidney failure. I tried to write about it here earlier as a way to purge some of my feelings, but I just couldn't. For starters, it has been the longest month of mourning ever. I shouldn't complain, I have much to be thankful for - not to mention we were spared the blizzards my other midwest/southern friends experienced. But I lost my best friend. It seemed like every day some new little detail or thought reminded me once again that we would never see her again. The only thing I can attribute to such strong feelings is the fact that she was my first real pet (fish don't count, sorry mom and dad!). Sanchi lived a long life of 14 years, and she was deeply loved till the day she died. Her passing has deeply affected both C and I, but to me -- it's really the end of an era in my life. I learned so much about the woman I am through my relationship with her. I thought it might be fun to relive my good memories, through this post.

Getting my first place, I was young and kinda scared - living on my own in college in Chicago during the late 90's. My good friend Vito suggested I get a cat, for company. At first I thought it was a nutty idea, especially after my dad and I had gone over budgets and basically how living in Chicago was exponentially more expensive than living in Overland Park. But I got to talking to my friend Raina, and one day we trekked out in the rain to the Anti-Cruelty Society just to see what's what. Within minutes I just knew a young kitten was out of the question. Suddenly this 9 month old tabby picked me, she was crying and butting her head against the cage next to the hand washing sink. I petted her last - hesitant after petting many other hissing/angry kitties; I knew this lovey head-butting bugger was going home with me.

c. 1997 Sanchi and I in Chicago, on my cheezy yet functional couch/futon.

c. 2005 C and Sanchi reading about well... Sanchi.

Sanchi was named after my obsession with Asian art history. I'm not totally obsessed with it currently, but at the time I thought it was neat I named her after a Buddhist monument in which devout members circumambulate this giant stupa (aka mound). [Thank god I didn't name her anything cutesy like Snickerdoodles.] Cats do like to circle their prey after all. I was completely fascinated by her every move. She'd run to the door and greet me when I got home from class, she'd lick the bathtub when it was wet, she'd nab all the disgusting centipedes in that old apartment and apparently eat them (ewww gross), she'd even jump on top of the highest kitchen cabinets somehow and 'hang out'.

c. 1998, Chicago. At her healthiest weight, 12 lbs. She was a full-figured lady getting into mischief at every turn.

She was the best cuddlebuddy a girl could ever have. She's lay on top of me during 'must see' Thursday night tv, she'd lick my tears after being stood up by a guy, she'd even sit on the edge of the bathtub to keep me company while I showered. We developed our habits, I'd tent the covers at bedtime and she'd burrow right under, resting her front paws/chin on my forearm. She encouraged my insomniac self to sleep a little more on weekends - then wake me by grooming sweat off my eyebrows in the scorching Chicago heat. One day before class that little punk squished herself into the heating duct panel in the closet off the kitchen. I must have cried for 30 minutes straight, shaking her treat container, trying to entice her to emerge. Here she is in the above photo, defiantly posing after scaring the crap out of me. For heavens sake, she could have been set aflame via the pilot light!!

c. 2000 Sanchi in her extra special hiding-from-mommy place in the closet.

Eventually I had no other choice than to post the above photo on my apartment door, just so the landlord/repair guy was aware that a naughty baby could be on the loose. This photo has been taped onto the door of every apartment I've lived in with the exception of one. Sanchi was always curious and wanting to escape. Funny thing is, normally she'd get out, and then shake/cry in fear until you picked her up again. Yet, I was totally captivated by her free spirit. One time I remember she got into some magenta and orange acrylic paint I had mixed late one night for a painting due the next day. There were tiny pink and orange paw prints ALL over the wood floor in my studio. Who knows how long her paws stayed that color!

The most photographed kitty in the planet. Such a ham!!

She was always fun to photograph. And she loved me unconditionally. I remember one time I took her on the Redline train in Chicago - she was a flirty magnet, I can't believe how many people talked to me about her! And boy did she love people. She'd make friends with anyone who came to visit: the plumber, my boyfriends, she even won over my mom! Everyone was always remarking how friendly and un-catlike she was. I always viewed her as an almost 'dog' since she'd beg for every little thing: mango juice, tomato soup, bits of ham or cheese...even lamb curry! Her favorite thing to do was give you an intense look the entire time you consumed a bowl of cereal until you succumbed to her hypnotic ways and surrendered the last sip of milk to her. She knew how to get her way.

At one point I was in between apartments and she went over to live at Shmoopie's. Eventually Sanchi moved to Houston with her. I was devastated to loose her companionship, but glad they got along so happily. One of the grandest most romantic gestures in my life happened when I got engaged to my dear (now) husband C and he suggested we drive to Houston and bring Sanchi home with us. It is still one of the high points in my life -- Sanchi loved on C from the very moment they met - and they remained best buds till the end. Marrying a cat lover really took things to a new level. Sanchi became part of our picturescape. We drew pictures of her, wrote a funny song about her, even signed our Christmas cards with her pawprint.

Sanchi and her sis Chloe in a fun drawing C drew for me at home after a dreary 13 hour day at work.

Heck she was even included on our wedding invitation. I know my mom thought we were a bit nuts at the time, but celebrating Holi with our best bud in the world seemed perfectly normal to C and I.


c. 2005 Our wedding invitation, set up like a postcard for an art show announcement.

In the end, you realize all living things must die. Sanchi really didn't suffer much until the very end of her life. It was time, and I realize our souls were destined to link from the moment we saw each other that fated day back in 1997. Her scratch toy jingle bell is now on my key chain as a keepsake, and her essence is still around. The company of a cat really changed my life forever, in ways I never realized it would.

Stand by your Manatee - MA-NA-TEE!

2011-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

After moving to Florida, I must admit - although I was filled with an exorbitant amount of enthusiasm, it was countered the overwhelming newness of everything. Let me explain my process: Stage 1: I read every printed publication I can get my hands on, free newspapers, fliers at the oil change place. Stage 2: Google at least 15 things a day, and ask every person I meet (even at the grocery store) where their favorite place is to eat, etcetera. Stage 3: I force myself to watch local news even when it's boring; join random related Facebook groups -- all in the hopes of finding that perfect activity to spark the interest of my free-time challenged spouse. Months ago I penciled in the Manatee Festival in my day planner, and next thing you know it was time! I thought this Nerf Herder song got us in the mood on a early Sunday morning to make the drive to Orange City.

We arrive at Valentine Park and it's practically a mob scene. Everyone in the entire town is there, I swear. A fairly elaborate parking plan leads us to park in a grassy baseball field and off we go. I must say by far, this is the best $10/per person we have spent this year (note: for an extra $10, you can bring your dog as well). Entrance to the park included lots of fun carnival games for kids, animal shows, live music, craft booths, a raffle, and the best part - continuous bus rides to Blue Spring State Park to see the Manatees! I've never seen a Manatee in it's natural habitat and something about the idea of seeing hundreds of their blubbery bodies swimming in the largest spring in the St. Johns River just totally brought out the geek in me - well, both of us actually!


C near a cute manatee sign. You can swim in the spring here during non-manatee season, the water is 72 degrees!

We decide the craft booths and carnival food can wait, we are on a manatee mission, dangit! On a short 5 minute bus ride to the actual park, the Mayor of Orange City thanks all the passengers for their support in the community. The Mayor! It was lovely. There are approximately 300 manatees which live in the park currently, the goal is to reach 400 in the next year. While there are current vegetation problems, the number of new births is really amazing. Manatees can live up to 60 years and they eat up to 150lbs of vegetation a day! Babies are only born every 2-5 years, so maintaining a safe environment for them is very important. I can't tell you how many hundreds of people were at the park when we arrived. We waited our turn on the observation decks and shoved our way through to see what we could see. There was so much activity in the park, you could overhear many different languages being spoken. People really traveled from all over to see this beautiful place in nature. My guess is we saw close to 40 hanging around together, but the zoom on my camera isn't fabulous so below is my best shot.


It doesn't get any better than this.

The crystal clear spring water was amazing. Check out the sword fish!


My favorite shot of the day - it really should be a watercolor painting in this peaceful moment.

After all that manatee and fish watching, we headed back to the festival and had a great time people watching in the sunshine. We talked to this enthused (yet sexually inappropriate) red-haired man selling a type of lizard that is drawn to your body heat (it looked like an anole but not quite), purchased some tasty new hot sauce for our collection, saw some beautiful (yet expensive) mats made of recycled boat rope, observed that marshmallow guns made of PVC pipe are secret goldmine, watched kids run around in these unique human hamster balls where they walk on water, and topped the day off with a funnel cake. It was a really great day, and a great feeling to know we helped support Orange City. Hey mark your calendar, I think we'll go next year and make a tradition out of it!

Amazing sandcastles. And not the bucket kind!

We all know what the first rule is.

2011-01-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

I finished reading Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk several days ago, but have been dreading my promised post about books I read. Why? Suddenly I am transported to my high school days of writing book reports, trading my emotional response for analytic interpretations of metaphors and sentence structure wizardry. I was afraid to voice my own opinion. Who doesn't want an A?

In case you have not read it, Fight Club is a fast paced novel about a male main character whose name you aren't aware of. He's got a stable job, an apartment full of Ikea furniture and other sundries. He's disenchanted with the daily grind and the consumerism that seems to have defined his life. His only real problem is insomnia. At the suggestion of his doctor - he goes to a support group for men with testicular cancer to see what real suffering is like. Soon it becomes habit to attend various support groups for illnesses he does not have; it provides an outlet for his emotions which in turn leads to sleep. This plan is successful until he meets Marla Singer (another faker), whose mere presence reminds him that he is a mere tourist in these support groups. Around the same time, he also meets Tyler Durden. Tyler is this psychotic visionary who simultaneously becomes the narrator's roommate and is the mastermind organizer of the concept of Fight Club. Tyler's rules, his persuasive nature, and his mad fighting skills are delightfully frightening. His recruits, aka spacemonkeys help him sustain his life by making soap from illegally obtained human fat. Tyler is perpetually inventive life force. He can find endless means to various needs, and in the end, he must be destroyed. I do not want to reveal a detailed ending and spoil it for you.

This past summer C and I helped our dear friend Audrey install her show and was titled Tyler Rising. This was her first show in roughly 7 years. This book is incredibly influential to Audrey which made me increasingly curious as to why it inspired her. I regret not reading it prior to seeing her images. Nonetheless, the show was not a literal interpretation of the book, it was more about Audrey's struggle within herself to reclaim her unique voice (aka her true self, aka Tyler Durden) and rise above the daily grind which many artists face regarding 'real life job' vs. making time to frivolously spend money/time on art making (spacemonkey to free-willed individual). I can see how the riled up anger, the push and pull of Tyler Durden's character, the fight for one's ego and taking responsibility for a life of inaction ignited a female artist with things to say. I'm curious to see where her work will go, as she's only nicked the surface of her vision.

Audrey and C hard at work at the Tamale Hut, Riverside, IL. July 2010.

As for the book, the pacing is pretty fast and albeit a quick read, it definitely makes a lasting impression when I think about group mentality and the social norms about consumption. I admit, it's hard not to insert Brad Pitt/Ed Norton into their book character roles because the casting was so damn dead on in the movie. But I digress. I was pleased with it's brevity and Palahniuk's ability to punch at me, through words. As he chips away at things we deem near and dear, his frankness is quite refreshing. One of my favorite lines is the following: "Burn the Louvre,' the mechanic says,"and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names." As an artist, I think that thought is blasphemy. And maybe that's why I like it. I don't want it to happen mind you. But in an attempt to be memorable in this world of ours, the increasingly stupider things people do to get noticed becomes all the more apparent.

As Fight Club takes on new recruits, I can't help but form the idea that all the members are angry caucasian men. I'm not trying to make this a race issue, but this book is most definately about the majority - the majority being white that is. I wonder if it's because Palahniuk already felt other ethnic groups had their own organized rebellions (ie: gangs), or what.

Throughout the book, Tyler Durden also discusses how Fight Club's actions can introduce ideas like man planting forests on deserted highways or man returning to more instinctual things like the hunting wild animals (zoo descendants) as the world falls to pieces with the destruction of laws and order which Fight Club is responsible for. I don't know if you've ever read The World Without Us by Alan Weisman, but it elaborates on these issues to a depressing extent. I admit it, if I had to hunt my own animal or build my own house out of hay and mud I would have no idea how to do such a thing. What I also know is I am tired of discussing how a clothing choice might come off at an art opening, what color hair looks best on Snookie, why Smartphones are better, or why my local bookstores are closing due to electronic devices. We could all do with a little less electricity related activities in our lives. But I don't want to go back to days prior to the western frontier either. There has got to be a balance between these two extremes. And that's something to think about. Any thoughts?

Still I can do something. 35 somethings at that!

2011-01-11T17:44:00.000-08:00

Apparently my posting pattern is provides feast or famine. Oh well! I struggle with creating a pattern of regularity in life lately. I started off this year with a home cooked lucky southern-style meal, complete with a fulfilled wish: to have a unpacked/clean enough house to have guests over for dinner. AND I even had time to blog that day between dip making and vacuuming. Success!!! It's a step in the right direction. Now to the orange cones marking a roadblock. Situations resulting in pain - both physically and emotionally. The first is my neck. Apparently a minor fender bender back in 1994 (K do you remember) has resulted in the flareup due to 'severe neck trauma'. This has kept me from driving my car or leaving the house for several days without assistance. I'm on the mend now, thank god. So I am ready to get back on the road with the new year. As for my emotional pain, I'm clearly not ready to talk about it yet. That's a blog topic for another day!

I have lots of plans every new year. Not resolutions really, just things I want to do, places I want to go, things I want to resolve that stick in my teeth like an annoying celery string. Catch my drift? Inspiration is all around me. New people, old friends, camera exploration, blog reading...are mere examples of the many things I know will influence me this year and potentially shape the kind of art I am inspired to create as a result.

After hauling 18+ boxes of books through 6 US states, I have been inspired to read 35 books in honor of my upcoming 35th birthday. Big deal, right? Oh but it is! I plan to read 35 books that we own, books which I have never read. What better place to find inspiration than underneath my very nose? Some are extremely old, others are new. Some of them don't completely seem 100% inviting, some are things my husband has been requesting I read for quite a while now, while others intimidate me with strange words and challenging prose. Engaging or not, I plan on posting about each read. My plan is to give my best shot at fully reading each of these choices. Yesterday I got them all together on 1 shelf so I could 'take it all in' to to speak.

Below is a listing of the books in no particular order. Warning: Now this post gets too long so now is the time to go check your email if you aren't curious about my list.


"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." -Helen Keller

~~1. Outside Lies Magic by John R. Stilgoe~~

2.   Muraqqá: Imperial Mughal Albums from the Chester Beatty Library
3.   Bombshells by Steve Sullivan
4.   The Daguerreotype In America by Beaumont Newhall
5.   Haunted Highway - The Spirits of Route 66 by Ellen Robson and Dianne Halicki
6.   Prince: An Illustrated Biography by John W. Duffy
7.   Hot Bodies Cool Styles: New Techniques in Self Adornment by Ted Polhemus and UZi Part B

~~8. Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk~~

9. The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone
10. Srimad Ramayana by D.S. Sarma (1980 translation)
11. Photography: A Cultural History by Mary Warner Marien
12. William Christenberry by the Aperture Foundation (signed!)
13. Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flagg
14. Tales From the Art Crypt by Richard Feigen
15. The Medium is the Massage by Marshall McLuhan
16. The Flavor Point Diet by David L. Katz, MD
17. Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (Fitzgerald translation)
18. The Dream of Scipio by Iain Pears
19. Finding God Everyday: Practical Spirituality for Lay People by Mark Quinn

~~20.~~ ~~The Neverending Story by Michael Ende~~

~~21. Sula by Toni Morrison~~

22. Gut Feelings: The Intelligence of the Unconscious by Gerd Gigerenzer
23. Foundation by Isaac Asimov
24. Anthem by Ayn Rand
25. Rice Bowl Women: Writings by and About the Women of China and Japan by Dorothy Blair Shimer
26. Traditional Indian Textures by John Gillow & Nicholas Barnard
27. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

~~28. The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin~~

29. Anish Kapoor: Past Present Future
30. How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci by Michael J. Gelb
31. Trying to Save Piggy Sneed by John Irving
32. The Painted Word by Tom Wolfe
33. The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
34. The Golden Calm by Emily, Lady Clive Bayley and Sir Thomas Metcalfe
35. Planet of the Apes by Peirre Boulle

+1 (for luck. A tradition enforced by my mom!)

36. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

A new year of profundity. Can I quote you on that?

2011-01-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

I LOVE quotations. In high school my friend Gookie gave me this amazing journal with a very long quotation from a poem which she had handwritten inside. I carried it around with me everywhere. I wish I knew where it was now! I write quotes in greeting cards, post them on my FB wall, Google random words to see what I will find - I've even been known to 'borrow' segments of them to name my photos with. I have even started a small collection of my own quotations, "wisdom by nlt" as I like to call them. For years quotations have fascinated me. The author must be so motivated by a particular event or feeling to write such a succinct, thought provoking statement. There is so much to learn, laugh about or ponder after reading one. Last year I started a new quotations journal made by alleebee, but then I dropped it for some reason. I resolve to begin writing in it again. One day I'll get the nerve to post some here.

I have decided to end my cycle of Reverb10 catchup responses with quotations that inspire me. Additionally, a new progression in my quotes collection is the fact that I look up who said them, or add their writing to my reading list because I hope to read such profundity in context! :)

December 31 – Core Story

What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.) (Author: Molly O’Neill)

"Generally, I think it [fine art] enriches life, helps to make it tolerable, more livable." -Joe McCauley

An image from Mr. McCauleys only solo exhibition, occurring after his passing.

This quotation comes from one of husband's colleagues, someone who I very much wished we'd had the chance to get to know better. He was a dad, an artist, a philosopher, an upstanding tenured professor in the community in Normal, Illinois. His passing set the tone for the 2009 school year. He knew how to live life, how to make friends fast - how to quickly discover the thread to tie his human experience to others. His art making seemed to be his true companion - a constant inspiration. I wish to be more like him in that way -- to have that driving force, the ease in it all and it's relation to the bigger picture. We are not perfect beings. It's hard to cherish every day when I've been trained to W A I T for what is around the corner. I take a walk that has no destination. The sky is empty waiting to be filled with all my thoughts and everyone else around me. That is what makes the journey more livable, and sharable with you. RIP Joe, you ~~were~~ will remain an influential human being in my life while I continue to unearth the unknown the center of my being.

December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift.

This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year? (Author: Holly Root)

"Nothing is enough for the person to whom enough is too little." -Unknown

My husband and I did not exchange Christmas gifts this year. No no, not because it wasn't in the budget - just simply because it was fun making gifts for immediate family members and sit back and observe their reactions. I think we're trying harder, together, to enjoy the fact that we're in a place at the moment where it all feels like enough in the here and now. We're not talking about moving, we're focused on living. Here. NOW. It's not about owning a newer computer or a tv, it's more a feeling - an idea that life doesn't feel like a square piece jammed into a circular hole. It's really important to feel a sense of shakti in my life. Shakti represents a dynamic feminine force, a dependence on no-one while being interdependent with the entire universe. I'm working on being calmer, and 'waking up' my senses to appreciate all the little things which make up the bigger picture of my life. It's all a matter of perspective, and sometimes I rely on reading quotations to realign my mental spine.

December 29 – Defining Moment

Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)

"Rebates are cool. Too bad you can't get them on life events, memories, ways we want to feel, people we wish we could see again."
~wisdom by nlt~

I wrote my own personal quotation when I was feeling pretty low one day. Living in the past, re-remembering good times. Since I'm being honest with myself here, at times I feel like all my truely happy experiences with my close friends - staying connected with people who truly know who you are is something which remains only in the past. As if I will feel nothing like that in my present - or my future. I know it's crazy, and irrational. I don't know if it's just basic loneliness, or the fact that with every birthday I am profoundly affected by the fact that things will never be this way again. We all age, life is moving forward in everyone's life whether you are there or not. Lately I feel like all my friends and family have experienced/made some major changes (mostly for the better) but I have remained exactly the same. Ugh. What is that? Surely I have changed. For the better? Don't answer that. I'm still working that one out.

I don't want to live with regrets - but there are times where I wish I could have figured out my actions to better live out my intentions. Or what I'd be doing in my alternate reality (cut to the many many fascinating episodes of Star Trek which explore this idea). For example, the anniversary of my grandfather's passing is coming up soon - what I wouldn't give to be able to have seen him again, as an adult. But I ran out of time, and didn't - hell I still don't - have the savings to finance such a trip. This is a time when enough doesn't seem good enough. <insert frown here>

December 28 – Achieve

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."
-Thoreau

Damn I need to read some Thoreau. Stat. And not because I'm trying to be brainy here or anything. He only lived till age 45 (and I'm going to be 35!) and wrote some terribly profound things. He's the man who says it all to me, I searched the internet once and found over 323 excellent quotes by him. I just wish I could find out which writings in particular they are from. It's on my list of things to research at the library this year for sure. We all have lots of dreams, I know I do! I've taken a lot of mine and ripped them down from the wall or stomped on them, even set them on fire I admit. But part of having a healthy life as an artist is to dream, have dreams, pursue dreams, write grants to fund your dreams and make things that only you have dreamed up. Duh! I still want to surprise the world with my unique force. Dreams are not childish. It's the whining about how it'll never happen to someone like me that is. So up there in my castle, amongst the cotton candy clouds, fancy cameras (and life-size Scrabble board) is a small pile of lumber and some bricks and mortar. I'm figuring out how to build a structurally sound foundation because you know what? I am not starting over. I did not invest all my good intentions, crazy ideas and girlie dreams all to have it knocked over in a hurricane. After all, that's the kind of weather I should expect in Florida, eh?

Thanks to K over at Bravely Obey, I can officially say I have completed the Reverb10 challenge, and gotten in some much-postponed practice at blog writing. K, thanks so much for your support and encouragement, I feel like you inspired me to be a lot braver. I thank all you for reading, hope I didn't bore ya too much, and hope to come up with some inspired posts of my own in this brand new spankin' year. HAPPY 2011 everybody!!

'Four' your viewing pleasure only.

2010-12-30T18:54:00.000-08:00

December 27 – Ordinary Joy
Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

Back in Illinois, we practically lived the life of vampires in our apartment. An enormous sycamore tree would block all light of day from entering 'the cave'. But not anymore! Let the light shine in now that we're here in Florida! This gorgeous shadow pattern revealed itself to me one morning while I was busy unpacking boxes, and I had to pause for a moment, to relish in nature's abstraction before my eyes. Amazing.

December 26 – Soul Food
What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

Tonight's menu: Fried baby zucchini, boiled spicy peanuts, cornbread, spinach parmesan shrimp and grits, black-eyed pea salad with Georgia roadside 'maters. Finish it off with key lime pie!

I'm a closet foodie. I have high aspirations to cook things, and then get overwhelmed at the length of preparation it takes to make a meal from scratch. And on top of that a southern meal for that southern man o' mine (as if my midwest cooking can compare)! Also we had recently returned from a trip to Weaver D's - aka Automatic for the People (a must if you find yourself in Athens, GA) which seemed to ignite my desire for more soul food. This particular meal was inspired by a trip to the grocery store where I discovered baby zucchinis as well as green peanuts. C had never seen the peanuts in raw form before, so I just had to buy them. Everything was tasty but as usual I had some mishaps along the way - but for the sake of brevity I will spare you the details. I was very proud to accomplish this meal, no matter how late dinner was served!

December 25 – Photo
A present to yourself Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]

August 14th, 2010 at the Mission Accomplished opening at The Athens Institute for Contemporary Art ie: ATHICA located in Athens, GA. Photographed by my spouse, C. This was a proud moment for me, not only to participate in a group show about the war in Iraq, but to attend the opening in a city I always wanted to visit, meet the main artist (Cecelia Kane) who started this delightful project called Hand to Hand - AND the assistant curator was someone I had met while living in MS a few years back. All in all, it was a wonderful evening, I felt connected to other artists and this great country we live in. And that says a lot for me, as I have spent a larger part of this year feeling somewhat isolated as an artist in particular. I need more moments like this in my life for sure!

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK
What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

A detail shot of one of the many altered boxes for this show - there were about 65 total.

I still remember it: It was 1:35am, and I had used my screeching tape gun for the last time for the evening. Every single cardboard piece for my upcoming show was complete and prepped in sealed double layer garbage bags as it was to rain the next day. A moving van was parked in our driveway, newly purchased moving blankets lay folded in the garage. I even had the hindsight to pack an emergency repairs box, complete with spare scissors, band-aids and touch-up paint. A major change had come over me - if you'd rewound to 11:15pm I'd basically had to flop down on the charcoal-covered basement stairs and have a good cry. I was dirty, tired and insecure. Nervous about the installation the next day, the sleep deprivation, the art opening to which I had failed to manage to find a new outfit for. Fast forward back to the wee hours of the morning - I poured myself a hearty glass of vodka, garnished with a key lime because gosh darnit, when this woman puts her mind to something she will deliver. yes! disclaimer: Lesson learned. I will begin to prep packaged work for a show 5-7 days ahead of time, I will work out installation hardware issues earlier in the process. I will not save it ALL until the last evening. It's too overwhelming, especially when you need a good night's rest to be awake enough to drive said artwork cross country.

3 days left of December. Crunch time!

2010-12-29T18:37:00.000-08:00

Hello loyal reader - I have returned after several days of no internet, minimal cable and no computers. Woo! I must admit I do not really miss mouse clicking or endless 'junk' email to click the check mark in order to delete, but I do miss the quiet time I spend in the morning reading my favorite blogs and such. Speaking of which, I am *9* Reverb10 days behind, and am needing to get it in gear before 2010 is over!!!

December 23 – New Name
Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott) {Future tool: Chris Guillebeau’s How to Conduct Your Own Annual Review. For the next 9 days as you round out [...]

I want to be proud that I did all the prompts - but this one is just dumb. I mean, if I had amnesia and were to pick a new name - I guess it would be Hohumhum. Mostly because that's what my darling 3 year old niece just named her new Middleton doll she got for Christmas. And I just wonder how people would react when they ask me my name and that's what they hear. I mean, that's just as good as my actual name, considering my name has been butchered ever since I began public school. And it's only 4 letters long! Lame.

December 22 – Travel
How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt) {Future Tool: New Year’s Goal Questions for No-Goals Creatives from Jeffrey Davis. For the next 10 days as you round out your year, we’ll share one tool each day to help you [...]

Travel. Hmm. For leisure or practicality? Leisure. Hmm. Kinda coming up short on this one. Well, I moved cross country this year and it basically kicked my ass. I will admit I went to TX to visit a good friend, but I feel like we didn't get any quality time together because of her roomate being included in everything. I love my family and tried to visit them as much as I could since earlier in the year I was only 6.5 hour away. And while it was great, I can't honestly say I went anywhere this year that was 100% my idea of leisurely freedom, that wasn't influenced by someone else's needs/desires. I am so busy trying to keep up with the every day needs of my life as well as extra art-related expenses that I have nothing budgeted for anything else. I am not a luxurious person. I have no idea what it would be like to go on a spiritual journey workshop for 5 days in the mountains. I've never had a massage. Only this year did I even learn what a mani-pedi was like. Seriously. My main wish in the coming year is to plan a girl's only trip to Miami. I have no idea why I really want to go to Miami of all places, but it's warm and I live kinda close - and well, I've always wanted to go shopping/gallery hopping/dancing and throw my cares to the wind. Um, I wouldn't mind accidentally bumping into the Kardashians - I know - how shallow do I sound but it's my blog so I can speak freely! But I want to go WITH the women friends I love in my life. I only hope some of them can actually come out and play. That, and well - I hope I can get my act together so I can afford a trip on my own that I don't have to feel guilty about. :)
(On a sidebar I have like 3 truly amazing sets of peeps to visit in AL - I wouldn't mind taking a trip for a week alllllllll to myself where I see all of them!! On my time frame!!)

December 21 – Future Self.
Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Dear younger self, here are the top 5 things I would request you do to make your life easier:
1. Don't give up faith that you will achieve what you desire. Continue to chip away at it, and don't listen to that voice in your head that reminds you of past misgivings. You are good enough to keep trying, and don't put too much stock into those recurring dreams you have about heart attacks and failure. That is just your emotions themselves out in your subconscious time so that when you are awake you can focus on the important things.
2. All good risk taking involves feeling butterflies in your stomach, as far as you are concerned. If you aren't fluttering, fohgettaboutit!
3. Spend that money you've wanted to buy good quality shoes. There is nothing funny about being shoe poor and not wearing 1/2 your wardrobe as a result - OR the same black shoes for 5 years straight.
4. You have a good support system. You are so lost trying to find yourself, utilize those friends who know you will who will prompt you to feel comfortable to gain the confidence to take those crucial steps you need to take to move forward in your life. You need to talk about your progress, you need verbal affirmation. What you need is right in front of your face, open those big brown eyes of yours and pick up the dang phone. Stop being ashamed that you need help!
5. Live every day to it's fullest. It's too easy to fall into the 'do it tomorrow' pattern. Do more of what you are in the mood to do, and tell the rest of the world to fuck itself.
Also, you may want decide once and for all if you are coloring your hair or not. ha!
Love, Me.

Finding one's true calling: a daunting task.

2010-12-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance.
What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Well this one's *easy*. Well, sortof. I've got 3 things, can't choose - but I plan on doing them...ALL

1. Decide and make plans on furthering my education. I flip back and forth between museum sciences, art education, going back to my original commercial photography plan or earning my MFA in Photography. I am still am not ready to teach at the college level. I don't have any idea of what to do besides that I know I need to take a major risk and stick my neck out. <sigh> I really need to decide since I am the force standing in my own way. I'd like to stop working these ridiculous administrative jobs which clearly do not utilize my abilities.

2. Apply for a couple of major grants, which means allowing myself to dream up some ideas that I could make a reality. Also I'd like to apply for some artist in residency opportunities, and stop hiding behind being paralyzed about expenses and limited time frame to make art.

3. Create a household budget and hold ourselves more to it. It's not that we live beyond our means, I am just tired of having the whole "yes dear, we CAN afford it" conversation. I want us both to be more confident about financial matters so we can make better decisions.

I slammed the door, and smiled.

2010-12-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

December 19 – Healing.
What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

I've got to be honest, I'm not really sure what I need healing from -- but I do feel like heart has been a little worse for wear this year. Can you heal from frustration, I wonder? One of the things that has helped lighten my heart is simply getting my feelings out. Being open and honest, not trying to paint a sunny picture to my closest friends and family. Opening myself up to being a real person with complex emotions. And maybe I don't always need words - because I don't always seem to feel satisfied with that route. Which reminds me of a story from childhood which was triggered by a sound triggered in my apartment today. When I was about age 5, my mom caught me running around the house slamming doors, one by one. I would close each one and defiantly declare "Stupid!" and then run off to the next one. While she was laughing inside, let's just say that I was in time out after that.

Back to the present. So there's this door in our current house which leads to our back porch. Try as you might, it simply will not close. Also the air pressure of opening the front door will cause the back door to swing open if it is unlocked. Which is SUPER annoying, not to mention one of the cats use it as an opportunity to escape. One day C and I discovered if you slammed it shut, 9 times out of 10 it'll do the trick. And I have to say sometimes there is nothing more satisfying than hearing that whoosh of air, feeling the door click shut, and silently saying it in my head, "stupid!". It reminds me I don't have to take everything so seriously.

Expressions of life, making something old new again

2010-12-19T12:21:00.000-08:00

Short and sweet is the goal for today.
Catching up since after Wednesday I will not have computer access for 5 days in a row! boo!

December 17 – Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

I've learned that I do not have to always pressure myself to create aesthetically beautiful things. I can construct my creation for me, not for the purpose of making it more marketable for purpose of sale. Some parts of life aren't so pretty. I desire to capture a realistic, every day sort of expression without appearing mundane. I made some work this year that's like a familiar place I visit again again, or an old chair with that rip in the seat that you won't get rid of. I do not have to make work that is perfectly wrapped up in a sterile, pristine, acid-free environment under glass. My fingerprints, the cat fur - all of it was a unique expression of who I am. Where I wanted to take you if you were willing to come along.

December 18 – Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I need to try to make new friends. AGAIN. I admit it, I am jaded - trying to be interesting and committed to the here and now every year has turned me into a cynic. Someone I fear people probably don't find interesting or worth getting to know. Outside some friendly people my spouse works with, I have only 1 person I can truly call friend. I need to expand my horizons, be exposed to new perspectives, grow in my knowledge of living in this city. I need people who I see on a consistent basis. We don't have to be of the same age or have piles in common. I'll take common interests/cause. I'd like to either join a book group, volunteer at the art museum or perhaps join a beading society (read about recently at the library). The museum seems to receive too many applications and has ignored my attempts since May, so I will more than likely pursue the other two venues. Or maybe even find something entirely different. I regret not committing more of my efforts to this in 2010, but I am making a promise to that it is worth attending a meeting and checking it out.

A silent prayer during Diwali this year.

There is no forgiveness without love.

2010-12-18T18:08:00.000-08:00

December 16 – Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

At first I wasn't sure which of the great, supportive friends I would select to talk about in this post. But I did some hard thinking (ie: knock off the avoidance) and realized who I want to talk about, who I need to talk about. Also I made an awful comment yesterday in my 5 minutes post about lying and it was just so damn negative that I'm ashamed of myself that I'd want to remember that. Lame. Back in November, I referenced Shmoopie in one of my posts. I have been friends with this amazing, bubbly, kind person for 13 years. Not that the duration is all that important. We grew up together in college, 2 young women seeking an education in order to pursue a life in the arts, freezing together on 8 block walks in downtown Chicago, chat fests at Starbucks, late night runs for pizza pockets -- and damn that girl makes the best sandwich known to man out of ordinary ingredients (still a mystery). And through it all we both grew up - her first: She was the first to get married, the first to move away, the first to leave art making behind to find something that better helped her express herself. I felt really left behind when she left the city, but I understood life has to go on.

We were always like laffy taffy - bouncing back into place through our insane phone marathons. Through the distance, our moodiness, our highs, our lows...and oh boy were there some real lows in there. We share some common beliefs and we also share a mutual dislike in what the other does at times, combined oddly with a level of unspoken support free from judgement - something I haven't really experienced from anyone, ever. I would never dare remove Shmoo from my phonebook. After all, why would I want to?

Then all of a sudden, June rolled around. Many weeks would go by where we would not speak. Insert veils and mirrors here. Finally we'd speak on the phone - me, so happy to chat like a puppy greeting it's master when it comes home, and she - filled with fluffy phrases and empty comments. What the hell was going on, I wondered? Why can't we be who we are as the most simplified versions of ourselves, flaws and all. What could she be hiding from me? And then all of a sudden the bridge broke. She was filing for divorce. And then the water began to flood around us, the flow taking us in entirely different directions. I went to visit her one day as she had moved back to my area. I was happy to drive up, I knew she had been rather upset for several days and figured some face-to-face time was in order. I hadn't slept much that week, hell I was barely operating on 35hrs of sleep a week at this point, but she needed me, so I went. We literally sat around in silence for a bit - a silence like no other. I didn't know what to do. She was inconsolable it seemed - and my presence didn't seem to be melting the wall of ice she'd worked so hard to build around her.

Eventually all the pieces came together. She'd been living this secret life - it still pains me to realize I was oblivious to anything that was going on with one of my best friends for two years. Was I that self absorbed as not to notice? Why wasn't I worth sharing all of it with, the good, the bad and the realllllllllllllllly bad under-the-bed sort of stuff? Should I have read something in her tone on the many occasions that I should have suspected something? Why would I suspect anything? Who's on trial here? I thought I was a good judge of character. Confusion set in. Then disillusionment on a variety of levels.

As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. I know it sounds simple. But it's not. While I may not understand why it all happened the way it did, what I do know is that I truly love Shmoo. Shmoo, I forgive you. And I realize (more than I've been told) her motivation for why she'd shut not just me, but everyone out of her life while she worked up the nerve to do what she needed to do. Through this rough experience I have learned, without a doubt - that a true lifelong friendship can withstand these sorts of tests. And Shmoo, the door is always open, whenever you need me.

Ahh...if only life were like a fairytale, right?

Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car.

2010-12-17T19:26:00.000-08:00

(note the above quote is from one of my favorite films which combines 2 things which fascinate me: photography and loosing one's memory: Momento. You should check it out if you haven't already!)

December 15 – 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

A small portion of my work in-progress, entitled "Return to Sender". Seven weeks led to a labor of love. It is something I never wish to forget.

Started out the year with a snow storm. Worked on my large cardboard stenciled piece incessantly. Cooked an amazing southern good luck turn-of-the-year meal, tender collards, mashed sweet potatoes, cornbread, black eyed peas and ham. Listened to tons of borrowed music from the library. My grandfather passed. Shoveled snow. Cried a lot. Freaked out when C got into a car wreck. Visited Jimmy Rogers museum. Took lots of photos. Attended my first solo show opening in Meridian, MS. Celebrated Sanchi's (my kitty) 14th birthday. Yelled a lot. Went to a lantern party. Ate lots of Steak and Shake and Beer Nuts. Visited Houston, TX. Drank more scotch than I ever have in my entire life. Lost my drivers license temporarily. Found out I had been lied to by someone I love for two years straight. Got a job delivering the newspaper. Got a photo job after a long time. Started working at a trucking company. Sleep deprived. Talked about moving to FL for almost 2 months straight. Chased a peacock. Worried about the future. Packed and moved to FL. Had extreme worry my dad would have a stroke. First time to the beach in FL, it rained. Watched anole lizards. Bought a bougainvilla. Saw the cats sunbathe. Saw a snake in bushes in front yard. Used my GPS in copious amounts. Organized a lot. Made a new friend in real life from a Facebook introduction. Lost weight. Administered Sanchi her first IV at home. Visited Athens, GA for the first time. Saw the Led Zepplin experience perform. Got a job at AllState. Celebrated 5th wedding anniversary. Went to a pumpkin patch. Started this blog. Visited my parents. Laughed. Promised myself I would be patient.

Appreciative actions, thank you for loving me.

2010-12-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

December 13 – Action
When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)
VS.
December 14 – Appreciate
What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

Besides an attempt to catch up Reverb10 prompts today, I really feel that the words Action and Appreciate are closely related for me. It's no secret that the past couple of years have been a bit rocky for me. While I struggle to find my place in the world, I have put various plans to on hold. I've lost a lot of friends due to long distance. I've made new friends, but the relationships lack the deeper meaning I desire. When you move to a town where you don't know a soul, so many people make empty promises: Open ended plans for dinner that you finally give up on trying to materialize, offers to help move heavy furniture which you then end up doing yourself, a party in your honor to introduce you to everyone in town (as you know no one) that keeps getting postponed due to various petty reasons.

Onto the positives of this post: Through it all, I've appreciated the actions of others in my life, in particular a few close friends, my spouse, and my immediate family. Someone told me once that they don't need the heartbreak of maintaining a long distance friendship. I was truly insulted by it at the time, but now I understand who my true friends are, more than ever. Although I am not in regular proximity to most of my loved ones, that surprise phone call on Thanksgiving day, that text message that appears on my phone at an ungodly hour (which this person knows I am awake to receive), a plane ticket for a fun trip in Spring, a shoulder to lean on, an art critique when desired, goodbye cupcakes, a dolly to move a Washer/Dryer, a hug, a chocolate martini, a meal when you are too busy to get one yourself, a mechanic referral, tasty treats in the mail, letting me know it's okay if I am not perfect, encouragement when you don't even know you need it, movie tickets, and so many more things I could list. I am terribly appreciative and aware of your actions, you know who you are. I feel loved, a product of your actions. I only hope I can provide an ear if you need me, a random laugh out of the blue, a funny comic or long-lost photo arriving to you in a card, a CD I promised....whatever it may be, however large or small the action - it all means a heckuva lot to this woman. Thank you all for blessing my life with your spirit, your anecdotes, your favors, your kindness. I am so lucky!

Yum. Enuff said.

Back in my day, we had to walk....up a hill, etc.etc.

2010-12-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

December 12 – Body Integration
This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

Hmmm...this is a strange topic. I mean, I have problems with my mind going one place and my body going another. After entering my 30's, I became innately aware that I feel a real disconnection between mind and body. I thought it was just my weight. Hot yoga helped for a bit, as did some meditation - but both of those things require such a quiet focus. I was hoping for something loud and sweaty. You know, like dancing-at-a-concert-singing-at-the-top-of-your-lungs to your favorite song type of exhilaration.

I'm thinking about this past summer. My alarm perpetually set at 3:50am, Monday-Sunday. Oh yeah, that means everyday. Shit. Why, dear god, why so dang early? Twenty minutes to brush teeth, dress, down a glass of water, stretch and put on my only pair of sneakers to wait for Robert. Without Robert, I'd have to drive downtown and that would tack on another 15 minutes, maybe 25 since I always forget which street to turn on. He'd arrive, park directly in front of my driveway and begin to haul numerous bundles of newspaper for me to flop into my *entire* back seat, and then the passenger seat would be piled as high as I could let it - knowing if it was too tall it'd slowly slide into a mixed up heap of ads, sports sections and pissyness on my part.

We had our ritual. Without missing a beat it was almost verbatim every day (except while raining please don't make me talk about that).

"Good morning Robert, how are you?", I'd ask while rubbing my hands together to warm myself.

"You're up early, waiting for me, eh? It's another day, I'm just getting through it the best I can, yanno. Well, it's a big 'un today", he'd say. "Don't forget you missed (fill in house of choice) the Snyder house yesterday, they've gone back to daily service. Now you have a good run young lady and don't forget there's a paper in there for that husband of yours, I know he likes to read the news. Say when's he going to try out your route with you?", he'd inquire.

"Well, he's not a morning person, maybe sometime later this summer", I'd retort. Grinning in my mind, trying to imagine my dear C, who can't even speak until at least 1.5 cups of coffee are consumed. Robert meant well, there were several husband wife teams who'd split up street sides as it took half the time. Incidentally, I'm the only one who read the newspaper for the most part. Live in a small town long enough and after a while, a slim news day turns into a slim news week. Translation: You aren't missing a damn thing except for the WordSearch which is a necessity to life as far as I'm concerned.

I'll try not to bore you too much longer...every day it was dark. And I had two routes to complete prior to 6am, prior to the customer complaints. At the top of the main "key" bundle, would be a route sheet, containing the previous days' mistakes (incidentally one's pay is docked for mistakes and eventually if you don't improve one gets the can) and special notations about who's service is on hold or vacation pack status - why on earth someone wants 1 week of papers collected and delivered to them the day they return home is beyond me. Here's how this works: I bag or rubber band 5-6 papers at a time, check my address list, get flashlight, leave my car (running) in park with emergency blinkers on, open door but careful not to slam it shut (lessen noise complaints) and then proceed to deliver 2-3 papers on the odd number side of street followed by the evens on the opposite side. Get back in car, drive 300ish feet or so, repeat until complete. The houses are pretty spread out on the 4 streets which comprise my route. I tried bagging it all and running the entire thing on foot, it's not possible to do it in 2 hours unless you're a faster than me. Some customers preferred their paper in their mailbox. Some between the front door and screen door. It was important to memorize it all, who left their twisted web of garden hoses in the shaded area of their front porch for you to trip on, who preferred you to leave it at the back door vs. front door, who had the slippery-when-wet pebble sidewalk with dewy fallen petals on it, who had the crazy ass barking dog so I could will myself to not have a heart attack on their doorstep, etc. etc. You do this over and over, day after day - no vacation. And this is before your 'real day job' mind you. Commit it to memory, until someone alters their service: 7 days, 3 days, weekends only, Sunday only. Gosh I'm getting tired thinking about it.

Anyways, I pull up to to the Snyder house this particular morning. Everything is bathed in moonlight. I no longer use my flashlight while I run, I'm aware of the raised curb to prevent tripping (incidentally newspaper carriers have AMAZING insurance plans bet you didn't know that!). The Snyders' were always renovating something - I've seen up to 3 ladders on one side of their house at a time. They like their paper left on the right side of the garage door. I lay it down softly, respecting the written word (also to avoid customer complaints of being awoken to the paper thunking the side of their house), and sprint back to the car. I deliver to a few more mailboxes and I turn around and all of a sudden what on earth?!?! The car is moving! I could have sworn I put it in park. I'm slowly jogging alongside my vehicle, I don't know whether to curse or laugh. Mostly I'm into profanity. Come on, it's 420am cut me some slack would ya? What if the car runs over my toe, I need to get a grip. Driver's side window is open, car door not pulled - an in the reflex of the moment I am in the driver's seat, hammering the brake pedal, door wide open while a salty drop of sweat drips from my eyebrow into my eye. It burns. I notice my thigh muscles are warm from the uphill run up several driveways. I sit for a moment, pop a half piece of minty gum in my mouth and think to myself, I am here 100%, body and mind. Thank god I'm sitting in my car in one piece, glad to be alive. What a story to tell my kids one day, "In my day, many people preferred to read their news on paper bound with bands made of rubber, no not on their smartphones..."

I'm a girl dammit - what girls can't deliver the newspaper? Many customers asked their bags/rubber bands to be recycled. What they don't know is many carriers just throw it away. Not me!

It's on my to-do list, okay? Efforts to stay on top are improving.

2010-12-15T18:21:00.000-08:00

A great thinking place someone helped me discover not too long ago. Sometimes there are so many thoughts in your head it's hard to make room to focus. My response then is to avoid it. Not good.

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011?

How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

I'm going to start with some easy ones and build up to the hard stuff :) I haven't written a lot about it yet - but I move cross country every year, packing and re-packing all mine and my husband's stuff. You'd think the load would be lighter by now <insert sarcasm here>. To add insult to injury, we downsized the size of our home BIG time this last move, and I have been suffering the brunt of it by playing 'musical boxes' every week. For a while it was SO bad I didn't even want to have people over. But the worst of it is over, now it's 15% odds and ends that I plan on demanding myself to resolve in 2011!

1. Jewelry - No, no, I'm not talking about MINE. Back in 2008 I came across a veritable treasure trove of goodies at my MIL's house. They mostly belonged to another family member and have been unloved, in a drawer for many, many years. Some gorgeous brooches as well as scarves, earrings, purses, etc. I NEED to edit the photos and get these items to good homes! I've started the process, but boy is it slow. I need to get out a calendar and schedule MORE structured time to finish documenting it all in stages - waiting for a long enough chunk of time clearly does not cut it.

2. Saris - Again not MINE. I think there are 12 and again, they take up precious real estate. My mother asked me last year to sell some of her lightly used 'oldies but goodies'. I gave up trying to sell them on Ebay -and- Craig's List. I have an old friend from hs who I recently reconnected with all to discover she's a fabulous quilter, interested in silks - a lead to definately pursue!

3. Framed art - Ok, finally something that's MINE. And well, his. We're both photographers you see. And if we could move some of our finely crafted wares we could afford to frame NEW stuff. To give you an idea, I would say he has at least 100 framed works, I probably have about 15, and then our mutual work I'd say is about 40. It pains me to think about that on top of the art we have from other people that will hang in our future home! I'm telling ya, I need a climate controlled vault to stash it all at until a later date. I have no idea how to resolve this. My husband is in serious need of gallery representation. I do not have a cohesive body of work right now to seek representation, but I am hoping to in the future.

4. More web presence as an artist. I NEED a website. It's getting really out of hand - I'm thinking of using a template (for now) and then paying someone who I respect to get the job done. This is seriously embarassing to me.

5. Recipes - I have piles (literally 12" high) of things I've aspired to cook in the last 10 years. Recently I started going through them and leaving them out in the kitchen so I will use them. I say I used at least 30 from the pile year before last, but then fell off the gravy boat. I really need to allow myself to pick the 'bests' and recycle the rest.

6. Instability - Every year we hem and haw about where we are going to move to - and I think I just need some stability. I'd like to travel. I'd like to form more permanent relationships with people. I'd like to be a strong supporter of the arts in one community - not viewed as some sort of transient being that can not commit to anything beyond 6 months in advance.

7. Back/knee pain - Albeit loosing a considerable amount of weight this year, I continue to be in pain. Primarily all my symptoms are on the right side. I've had acupuncture, cat scans, multiple sonograms of other parts of my body (yes fyi you do not have to be pregnant to be in need of a sonogram), at one point I was even diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis which I still don't believe as the pain disappeared for several years before returning. In fact, more so with the onset of cold weather. I vow to myself to see a chiropractor, and start the process (again) to access if a pinched nerve/something else can be discovered as I need to move beyond this issue more than ever.

8. Fear. Fear of technology (I'm slow regarding digital imaging because I really don't enjoy it), fear of being left behind, fear of my talent going unnoticed. On a good day I will never cop to this, but since I committed to Reverb I might as well be honest.

9. Negative energy. No no, I'm not trying to sound all new agey. But when I feel good about the state of things, I don't need to walk down memory lane regarding all my failures. Or all of yours for that matter. I am far too sensitive and I know I emote others emotions. I want to continue to be inspired by all the positive change of certain people in my life: my friends, my mom in particular. None of this one bad apple spoiled the whole bag mentality.

10. Unfinished to-do lists. I have lots of them, and periodically I find them around the house and pitch them. I tried collecting them all to compile a larger list, but it just made me feel worse. I plan on reworking my plans of using a day planner more consistently in order to manage my time better.

11. Memory memorabilia. I want to stop keeping ticket stubs, funny notes, pieces of ribbon, an old page from the phone book (hey it had a listing for my FIRST grownup apartment ever!). It's turning into more junk than it's worth. I'd like to save the good stuff, put it in scrapbook form (none of those cheesy letters out of foam or puffy paint okay?) - and slip it off a shelf and walk down memory lane once in a while. Not just let it sit until I can't even remember why I kept it in the first place.

You've closed the door. Only you can open it again.

2010-12-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom.

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

In case you aren't feeling imaginative, here's a doorway to wrap your mind around.

I'll admit it -- I don't like the subject of this post. Why is it when asked for wise decisions all I can do is list the litany of things I did wrong? I have spent three days sifting through my thoughts, trying to come up with a subject matter I feel strongly enough to ~~share~~ write about here.

I'm going to help you paint a picture - read the following description and then close your eyes and try to imagine it in detail. Picture a weathered door. Cracked paint, dirty-sharp wood splinters protrude from the bottom edge, you notice the depression of a hole which had been crudely patched over with duct tape, stray staples and empty pinpricks remain from once posted notices, a rickety door handle - it's a wonder it hasn't been replaced with something new, right? But through it all, it's still standing - solid in foundation. That door is the entrance to my mind. This year, instead of twisting the deadbolt to the lock position and sliding the security chain into place, I left the door unlocked. And not just unlocked, but pushed to -- all you have to do is give it a nudge and it'll open, complete with my own version of mindfulness bells. You may be thinking, why is that so important?

Like most human beings, we have expectations. While I like to claim I can control the height of the bar, there are times when I am not even aware I expect anything until the feelings of disappointment set in. In my case, after yet another cross-country move, I was ashamed to admit I had the feeling that the door had been irrevocably closed, complete with a barrier (imagine a piano maybe). I am not happy admitting this to you, lets not even talk about to myself. One day in the land of sunshine and oranges, I decided to get a pry bar and force this door open to let some light in. It took a lot of nerve, but I did it. I re-opened my mind to the possibility of new choices. I met new people I would not otherwise have the nerve to have spoken to. I pursued important people at art openings to propose future shows at their gallery. I took advantage of a job opportunity that I would normally have scoffed at and learned something completely new. I marveled at the mist rising from foreign bodies of water which I can only view at 6:50am from JTB highway. I put less sugar in my coffee so I could fully taste it. I reaffirmed to continue to find my true self despite my past disappointments, and find new purpose in the simple act of living. And that my friend, is the wisest thing a person can do.

It's a jump to the left...and then a step to the right...

2010-12-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

~catching up on Reverb10 after a few days of falling off the grid! here goes down and dirty. So dirty forget the socks...and the rest of your clothes while you're at it~

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party.

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

In honor of the 10th anniversary of Rocky Horror Picture show, a desire to relive my good ole' high school days, celebrating a new job, AND the need to have a girls only night out - fellow friend B and I went to see RHPS at Moran Theatre in October. We were a little nervous...not 'virgin' nervous, just not really sure what to expect. In retrospect we should have gotten there a little earlier to people watch - who knew that many people would be out there in their skivies!?! My photo taking skills were a little off kilter but I thought I'd share regardless.

First, off to The Brick for a dirty martini and the most amazing coconut scallops ever! B and I were pretty silly, in short skirts and pigtails, just us girls out to eat. We were even serenaded by a realllly enthusiastic saxophone player. We were tempted to get some wine and stay home at this point - sign #1 that it was a long week and we're old. ha!

An odd sight on the way back to our car...anybody need a hand?!?

Photos taken on the fly....

Darn it, I missed getting down to the arse of the matter!

B lookin' super cute, that girl's smile can light up an entire room!


B & I posed for the official photographer in our RHPS sexy boas. WooT!


Never before have I thought I might fall down Time Warpin' - the amount of rice on the floor was astounding. We seemed to find the last two seats in the house - we guessed at least 800 people attended. Sign #2 - B had the misfortune to sit next to some insane girl who kept dropping her cellphone on the floor amidst all the props. I swear she would not shut up!


I think B and I were more into the graceful tp being constantly thrown off the balcony than the movie at points. Note #3 to self: People get stupid drunk at midnight at the movies. I am too old for this shit.

Of course any excuse to wear fishnet stockings and my favorite ode-to-Cher boots!!

Injured by tiny hard-as-hell toast. Seriously!

Zee stripe! It is gone! She is not a skunk at all! -Pepe Le Pew

2010-12-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

December 8 – Beautifully Different.

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I guess you could say I'm stumped on this one. I've always known I was different from my fellow classmates. All through childhood only surface differences were super clear to me: my skin color, unique food in my lunch box, Hindu holidays my family celebrates, even the Gujarati words which reside in my brain that I don't feel have equivalents in the English language. But what else? There's more to me than that! On Tuesday I mentioned my love of Facebook - an online community that at times, provides insight. Yesterday I noticed one of my friends was playing the dreaded numbers game, you know, the one where you send your friend a number between 1-1000 and they will post what they think about you (indicated by your chosen number) on their status message.

When I logged on this afternoon I read the following (note this is an edited excerpt): "1114- I haven't seen you in sooooo long, I've actually gotten to know you more on here. You are someone who is always striving to be more creative with your art and always finding ways to express yourself. You are a great artist to know because you share your struggles with us which allows us to not take ourselves too...seriously." Wow. I've affected a fellow artist to say that? Here I was thinking all I've done is bmw (bitch-moan-whine) through my various frustrated status messages on Facebook. I will admit, there are many statuses I have erased with the fear of being labelled as self-centered, attention-seeking or not a "real" artist because real artists supposedly always have a plan. Give me a break! Earlier today my husband mentioned that President Obama has not had a cigarette since March. Good for him, I replied. Why is it so weird to think the President shouldn't smoke? Aren't we all REAL people with our own positive merits and dirty little habits? I like knowing this about our President, and what's more I like knowing that my periodic rantings can show others that I'm just another human being who isn't ashamed to admit that I too struggle with the pressure to create new ideas in a world where sometimes we fear it's all been done before.


Sometimes creating great work means working through the 'stinky' ideas first.

Come together, right now....spaghetti... (if you sing it, it rhymes)

2010-12-07T18:21:00.000-08:00

December 7 – Community Prompt: Community.
Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I'm just going to come out and say it: I *love* me some Facebook. In particular, one of the most fun projects I got involved in this year is a fanpage entitled Food Lovin' Girlies, a food lovin, pastry bakin', bragging page founded by myself and 2 fantabulous ladies I've met over the years. What better way to bond than over food? Seriously. After my recent move to FL, I was SO lonely. Not even the ample counter space in my kitchen could move me out of my funk. Inspiration struck. My friends AllSpice, CardaMoM, and myself (Garam Masala) fired up our virtual ovens and dished about everything from frosting to fresh green bean preparation. We'd find ourselves happening to be online simultaneously and chat and oogle the others photographs. We reached our goal of 100 members (and then some) and really had a grand old time....at least for a while. Life, work, family...many things keep us from having the time necessary to regularly visit a blog more or less a FB fan page. That aside, I really enjoyed getting into the momentum and learning there is still someone in the world who has time to bake their own hot dog buns. I know where I'd like to have my next meal!!

On a sidebar, I need to work harder in my real life to get involved with my art community. I am terribly shy and will press myself to go to openings and chat with new people - and then never see them again. I'm working on remembering names/faces and my goal is to live a richer, more social life which requires no internet connection. It'd be nice to find a niche out here somewhere!

Junk collector = art. (sometimes)

2010-12-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I see potential in things. Things that some of you may like to refer to as 'junk'. Garbage. Things like the paper sleeve on your Starbucks cup, a discarded rusty circular saw blade, pinestraw, doilies, a nifty picture on last month's power bill, maps from Triple A, 35mm film cannisters, matchbooks, funky star-shaped potholders, jar lids, canceled stamps, old calender pages, etc. I could go on, but you get my drift. Sometimes I know immediately what I will do with my chosen material. Other times, it evolves into something beyond my wildest visions.

Yesterday I was emptying out one of our many boxes, lovingly labeled "Studio". May I mention there ~~are~~ were 19 unopened boxes like this in our domicile, until yesterday? Only 4 remain. We have been married five years, but believe it or not, we have never lived anywhere long enough to unpack ALL our stuff, forget about consolidating it. The task is was unsurmountable. But I decided a week ago I was ready. Ready to see my old ideas through, and toss/recycle the rest. No more rainy day projects, the time is NOW. One of the silliest things I've been holding onto (since 2002) are these strange glass bottles that a co-worker of mine gave me. They once contained Peking Royal Jelly, a food produced by worker bees which is blended with special Chinese medicinal herbs and is believed to be a highly nutritious tonic. But enough of that. I just liked the bottles, ok? I had this idea about removing the labels and siphoning kumkum into them, for fun. Somehow displaying my pretty wares, perhaps as a small kit one could use to make their own rangoli, a design one creates to welcome good energy into their home during an auspicious occasion such as Diwali. But I never followed through. So I started the process today, and soaked the labels off the bottles. I am still thinking about an instructional sheet, pattern guide and special holder to finish it all off...if you'd like one do let me know!

I've been holding onto these for almost 9 years? I realize, this is strange.

Learn to pause ... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.

2010-12-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

Day 5's topic of the Reverb10 project really got me off track. It's about someone or something you have let go this year. My insides were too vigorously stirred to write anything - it's exactly why I need to participate in this project, to peel apart the layered parts of this onion. But it's hard and I realized I needed some quiet time. But now I am back, and ready to play catch up!

December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I have spent a lot of time growing a thick skin to accept criticism in life; be it about my skin color, my work flow style, or the subject of my artwork. I truly believe we all need a critique here or there to grow as a person, a friend, a partner, an artist -- take your pick. I pride myself in knowing that outside influences don't have to act as judge and jury about how I feel about myself and my course in life.

But there is one opinion I still hold near and dear to my heart -- my parents. On a recent trip home to visit my family, I had an epiphany. I need to let go of what I think my parents expectations are of me. They are not disappointed in me. There is no imaginary set of expectations they have that I have not met. Sure there is the occasional 'bout of Hindu good-daughter guilt (reference Catholic guilt for comparison). When I open my eyes I see that they are in fact proud that they have raised a daughter in her thirties who takes her commitments seriously, will do whatever it takes to get the job done and is a force to be reckoned with. My mother used to draw La Pieta over and over again in school while she secretly dreamed of being an artist. My dad albeit more mathematical spent much of his college days drawing some amazing blue prints. I sure wish I could see either of their works now. It's in the genes, and while I know they are a bit afraid for me while I find my path, and I know I will always be their little girl -- it's about time I stop trying to fit into these imaginary constraints and let myself truly embrace the adult that I have become.


A rare photo of us together - we all dislike our photo being taken. Publish Post

Touch that, and you'll get warts!!

2010-12-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

December 4 – Wonder.

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I am insanely curious about the tiny details in life. It's hard to focus on one major thing in particular I've done to cultivate wonder in my daily ongoings, I attempt to seek out/draw/photograph/wiki many different things which interest me. As a result of too many choices, I figured I'd share one of my more memorable experiences this season with you.

As a photographer, I often times use the camera as my eyes, a way to re-examine what I have seen -- and maybe even obtain a different understanding at a later date. After moving to FL this year, I was reminded of my fascination with the tiny frogs and anole lizards which are abundant in the south. A tiny little frog would literally superglue itself near my front door every night. Eventually my flash would startle 'him' (I don't know why they are all boys to me, sorry!), and I felt this intense urge to reach out and touch him - yet never allowing myself to do so.

He's maybe 1.5" tall, just looks larger than life here.

One evening after a surprise rainstorm, I noticed little lime green frogs hopping about in our miniature front lawn area. My husband C and I had just arrived home, more than ready to run inside to get some much needed rest. But I'll never forget: I pointed out a frog and off we went, filled with child-like wonder, tracking their silent path in the shaggy wet grass, an occasional muffled croak seeping through the shadows. I dared C to catch one. At first, he said it wasn't possible. Next thing you know he had one those precious creatures in his hand. We were invigorated but our new little adventure happening right in our own front yard. It was magical, we petted the little 'guy' and he stayed in C's hand without much effort. I began to wish I could snag a tiny bite of Alice's (in Wonderland) cake so that I could see the world around me from a much smaller perspective. I wonder what that our little froggie friend told his family when he went home that night! And C didn't get any warts....to be on the safe side he washed his hands multiple times, even after I reminded him that's an old wives tale...

This is how the giant in Jack and the Magic Beanstalk must have felt.

Antiques AND Puffins? Lifetime memories.

2010-12-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Most photos by yours truly, notice 'bowl' of cherries by Picasso himself.

This past June I had one of those kinds of weekends where you prove to yourself that you can have your cake and eat it too. This particular Saturday - I had opted to work (at my usually photo related job) at an auction gallery in IL, where I was helping bidders register for an auction which contained an original Picasso (on canvas board and may I mention I was allowed to touch said piece with bare fingers). Not to pull the plug on all the fun, but alas, the painting was pulled only hours from the auction due to a need for authentication :( Nonetheless, I ran bidding tickets back and forth, collected monies and helped the auction run it's course, clad in my favorite coral tunic, white pants and one-day-to-be-famous Preston necklace. At 4pm like a somersaulting squirrel I ran to my car in the rain and headed off for a brief trip to St. Louis to meet my parents (visiting from KS). Through the torrential rain and one non-anticipated stop - I made it to their hotel so we could eat dinner and spend some quality time together. I love my parents on vacation -- they are out of their 4-5am routines of exercising, CNN and watching indian Z-TV in the evenings at their house. They bring wine, and snacks to their room and oftentimes enjoy it in the courtyard. I love seeing them so relaxed.

Yellow Converse will brighten any day!

The following morning we headed off to the St. Louis Zoo. I've never been there before. Did you know admission was free? Impressive! We could have been there all day and not seen it all. Such a sunshine filled day - hot enough to wear a hat, but not feel the need to apply heavy duty sunscreen. At one point we walk down this long walkway and into a darker enclosed indoor part of the zoo. A chill came to the back of my neck, countered by the humidity of being outside. Beads of sweat formed on my upper lip. In front of me was a lot of man made grey cool-to-the-touch looking rock, completed by a cool pool of water followed by a plexiglass wall to hold it all in. Out of nowhere, water sploshes on both of my glasses lens. What is that?! My father and I chuckle, and discover several neon orange-beaked Puffins diving into the water, literally splashing water in their wake. It was amazing. We all stared for several moments, watching the zookeeper clean algae off of one of the rocks while discussing the aggressive nature of Puffins. They were a beautiful combination of both duck and penguin combined. Regally they seemed to smile, even while floating on top of the water beating their wings as if they are flying. Never seen anything like it. Such a simple joy. And I had the wonderful chance to spend the day with my parents which resulted in a shared experience like no other. I felt alive -- knowing this memory is something we'd share forever while we reveled in such a beautiful creation on this earth.

Taking a break from it all, aggressive little bugger!

There is no magic writing hour.

2010-12-02T18:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, two posts in one day - how fitting. As my previous per my earlier post, I am busy playing catch up with my Reverb10 plan. Today's prompt is about procrastination, hmm how appropriate for me.

December 2 - Writing.

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

(Author: Leo Babauta)

Hmm. Well, I wait. Waiting for the right time, waiting till I finish drinking coffee, wait till after I run downtown, wait till I feel like it, wait for a sparkling idea....meanwhile I carry about my daily tasks. Let me give you an example. Today I emptied 10 moving boxes and rearranged about 6 years stuff that my husband and I continue to claim we need to make art. I found a box today containing 7 35mm SLR cameras but I only recall the origin of 2 of them. Just odd. Last week I found over 40 erasers and more pencils than I can count spread out among 9 boxes. Weird! I think I get wrapped up too much in the daily 'junk' of my life and then claim I have no time for writing. If I'm going to sort my stuff can't I sort out my thoughts too? It's ridiculous really. There is no magic hour. The magic happens DURING writing. The effort of just doing it! Duh!!

Note to self: Get off yer ass!!!

2010-12-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

After 1 measly post last month and several posts which remain unwritten (errr...just look inside my head can't you read them there), I feel inspired by favorite blogger Bravely Obey's articulate post entitled, "A Can of Doing". This post simply reminded me that I just need to get to doing. Get off my ass, write this dang blog - good or bad - it's the effort that matters. I have now signed the petition to participate in the Reverb10 project, an online initiative which prompts fellow bloggers to reflect on the 2010 and manifest what you wish to occur in the following year. It's been a tough year, and with 2011 just around the corner PLUS my love of new beginnings, I thought this might be a good way to reflect on all that I have learned and the dreams I'd like to fulfill in the coming year.

So I'm already a day behind, getting off my arse right now!!!! Hope you're not bored already.

December 1 - One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Conflicted. After relocating from MS to IL last fall, I found myself in the middle of one of the best -- and one of the worst times of my life. We relocated to a new town in the middle of nowhere for my dear husband's job. Every day I swore that the next person who asked me if I'd moved to Chicago was going to get a punch in the mouth as I grinned and bared it in a quiet suburban town with limited employment opportunities. One day a silver lining to my dreary day of filling out online job applications gleamed before my eyes - an offer to have a solo photo show at a museum in MS! Oh the possibilities in such a big space! Oh the work to be done, the scheduling, late night inertia, pursuing small test pieces to test out potential ideas, purchasing supplies, trying to find access to a darkroom, working on a tight budget, renting a suitable sized vehicle for transport of said peices....reality started in: How would I fund my show? I panicked every day for at least 6 weeks. Panicked nightmares filled with blank walls and boring ideas. Drove my husband nuts! Every day I tried to remain hopeful that I was furthering my artistic career but also immensely torn with guilt that my efforts to look for a job were starting to wane as I began committing myself more and more to my artistic ideas to complete the work for the show.

Then my grandfather passed away. And through the shock of it I realized, he would have been really proud of me, to see my work as an emerging artist. I come from very stubborn, vision driven dna. I could not fail. Suddenly I was even more commited to working on an extremely limited budget - holed up in my basement in the dead of winter. It was invigorating. If I could do it all again I'd say what all I'd do differently, but in retrospect I realize it was something I needed to prove to myself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My one word for 2011 would be commitment. To really commit whole-heartedly to where I live. Allow myself to get comfortable in a job I actually *want*. I want to live in a state for more than 1 year. I'd like the ratio of my in-town friendships to be somewhat equal to that of all my long distance friends. I'd like to throw parties, celebrate the here and now and not constantly feel my life swinging in the balance as I wonder where I'll transition on to the following year. I yearn to look into my husbands eyes, share a laugh and raise a glass to toast our long journey to our final destination, a place to call home (at least for 5 years hey a girl can dream!).

I am.

2010-11-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

Who am I? I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a cat lover. I am empathetic. I am an artist who happens to be female. I am struggling. I am proud. I am disrespectful of my intelligence regularly. I am in doubt of my inner voice lately. I am talkative at strange times. I am ok with being alone. I am thrilled to have listened to the same album Keane album 7 times last week. I am filled with dread lately. I am small in the world. I am not perfect. I am pissed off Mondo didn't win Project Runway. I am aware that I eat dinner too late. I am quick to put others needs ahead of my own. I am secretly thrilled when friends ask me to critique their photographs. I am tired of moving to a new state every year. I am ok with being wrong. I am wanting to learn new things. I am aware that I like playing devil's advocate. I am no longer trying to smooth out rough edges. I am not ok with feeling ordinary in my existence. I am in need of a major giggle session. I am missing my mom's cooking to celebrate Diwali this week. I am soaking up the whole world with my big eyes. I am in love with all the various forms of love in the world. I am a secret poet. I am wishing I could play miniature golf right now. I am capable. I am beautiful. I am afraid I don't know what to do with my career. I am frightened. I am important. I am shy. I am slower than a turtle when I make art. I am not a robot. I am able to talk you down if you need me. I am reliable. I am responsible. I am thick skinned. I am readjusting my perspective constantly. I am disconnecting with the here and now. I am feeling left out. I am homesick for a home I do not even have. I am confused. I am wanting an a-ha moment. I am fantasizing about a long apprenticeship in a foreign land. I am wanting to hide. I am working on embracing who I am. I am in need of a hug. I am stronger than I think, shmoopie told me tonight. I will live to see another day.

Sprouting roots.

2010-10-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

I have walked this pathway near my house a few dozen times. I am ashamed to admit I've rewritten this post in my mind at least 3 times while on said walk in the last few days. Today is the day. Definitive decision: No matter how garbled blog post #1 is - I will post it, TONIGHT. I need to sort out all that's in my mind. I need something that's mine, something that I have control over. I am in awe of both my written and photoblogging friends - and at the same time and embarassed by how dull I think I am. Is this selfish? Maybe. But it's worth trying it out. I feel inspired on a daily basis to do creative things but then I run out of time to do them because I am too tired or busy procrastinating. What the hell am I waiting for? Re-focusing. Deep breath. The cars are whizzing by me, I swear it's rush hour near my home for 3 hours straight. I'm wishing I lived in a 10+ story building simply so I can get a real gaze at the sunset this evening - the clouds are this perfect purplish gray with neon orange lining, rays of light are pouring out like sugar from a spout. This is my chance - to redirect my thinking back to the here. The now. I live in the past a lot. My mother calls me out on it too. But you'll learn all about the real me later, right now I'm trying to force my hand to stay in the present.

This path I'm on is surrounded by these hunched over pine trees, from some of which drip the most beautiful pale sage green moss. I see an old man with sunken cheeks crouched next to a broken tree. He has a bicycle behind him. He takes out his tiny comb and proceeds to comb his kinky chin hair - with dignity. He catches me look at him, and puts the comb away and rides away on a path away from me. I pass a church, my visual indicator that the path is about to run out. It's much darker now. The sun has set. The cement underneath my feet literally turns into a sandy pathway, complete with pine straw strewn around. Wonder if it will ever be finished, attached to something else here in town? Sort of a metaphor for life really. Full of possibilities which one could easily turn into a cheesy Hallmark card, but you know what I mean. More than ever I feel alone. The future is terribly uncertain -- and I wonder whether I'll be happy with where it leads me. I am here. And now you are here too.